Watch Me Fall
by AnonymousWritingSoul
Summary: Adam feels his world slowly start to fall apart as he tries to adjust to his new situation. But when he gets some unwanted attention, will he find trust in the Ducks or will he isolate himself even more? May contain some triggering themes.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

 **Well hey looks like I'm back again! Crazy! To me at least. So first off. Anyone who left me a review, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love to write but have always been too scared to publish and I'm glad that I can put that fear at ease with your kind words. . , thank you very much for your encouragement. It truly means the world. So I started this suggested prompt after one of my therapy sessions. I only got this far because I ran out of ideas but I suppose I could make this a chapter fic if you guys think there's something here. Hopefully it turned out better than I think it did. Let me know what you think! Obviously, I do not own the mighty ducks.**

Adam bounced his leg up and down as he anxiously waited in the tranquil environment of his therapists waiting room. Although this was far from his first visit, he still felt the lingering anxiety whenever he set foot in the building. To be fair, he couldn't think of any fourteen year old that was psyched to go to therapy.

He shifted uncomfortably, desperately trying to get his leg to be still. He could feel the burning stare of his father on him. He put his head down, praying he wouldn't ask him what was wrong.

He glanced at his dad in the chair next to him, who had picked up a copy of _sports_ _illustrated_. Adam looked back down. Nothing about this felt right. Not the actual therapy, he was surprised that it actually felt helpful. When he first started the sessions he didn't say a word. It took a month for him to open up. Once he did though, he began to let down heavy guards that he'd been building up since he was ten. And it felt good.

The problem was really his dad. There still remained a feeling of shame and embarrassment. It was better since he first told him months ago, but it still felt unnatural. His dad driving him to and from therapy sessions. Picking up his antidepressants. Adam wished those parts of his life could stay in the shadows. Be his dirty little secret. With everything out in the open, he felt too vulnerable which scared him to no end.

"Hi Adam, come on back."

Adam turned his head and gave a shy smile before slowly rising up from his spot and following his therapist, Dr. John Beamer, to his room. Adam liked Dr. Beamer, who insisted he be called John. He was a tall, lanky man with dark hair and square glasses, and a friendly smile that Adam trusted. His room was the cliched therapist office. Sandy colored walls with diplomas hanging above a desk. An admirable collection of psychology books and stress toys. A few indoor plants and even a couple scented candles.

Adam took a seat on the end of the plushy couch and resumed bouncing his leg up and down, a little faster pace then the last time. He really didn't feel like talking today, even though there was a lot on his mind. He wasn't sure he could get everything out there.

"What's causing the anxiety today?" John asked him, pulling out his clipboard and starting to jot down notes.

Adam shrugged, breathing getting slightly hitched.

"You don't feel like talking much, huh?"

Adam shook his head.

"Well, how about we try 5-4-3-2-1? And then we'll see how you feel."

"Okay." Adam murmured, finally looking directly at the doctor.

John smiled.

"Okay, what are five things you can see?"

Adam glanced around the room timidly, taking mental notes. He suddenly couldn't remember anything about the room that he'd spent so much time in these last few months.

"Um, I don't know, the painting behind you. The carpet. The pillow on the couch. The lamp. And your clipboard."

"Good, now four things you feel."

"Mentality or physically?"

"Whichever is fine"

"Well I feel anxious. And warm. I can feel the softness of my hoodie. And the couch below me."

"Okay, three things you can hear."

"The clock ticking. My breathing. The hum of the furnace."

"Two things you can smell."

"Candles or something. Maybe peppermint?"

"Now one thing you can taste."

"Toothpaste."

John nodded satisfied.

"Very good, Adam. How do you feel?"

"Better, I think. Not as anxious as I was."  
Adam breathed out.

"But you still are, what's caused that?"

Adam looked down in his lap, twiddling his thumbs.

"Well, I'm not really sure. This morning seemed normal. I woke up and went to my first class with Charlie. Then my dad picked me up and took me here. I felt kinda anxious coming in. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's cause my dads here. I know that he means well but I'm honestly really embarrassed that he has to take me here. I'm just glad he doesn't have to sit in with us."

"So there's still a lot of shame revolving around your dad. Do you usually get anxiety when you're around him in general?"

"Well, yeah. Sometimes it's worse than other times. Depends what the situation is."

"How about when he comes to your hockey games?"

"Oh god, I always feel anxious when he does. I'm glad he's there, but I feel like I have to perform better for him. So he has something to be proud of."

"You don't think he's proud of you for just being your best?" John questioned.

Adam got a sense of deja vu. Coach Bombay said something similar to him at Junior Goodwill games when he hurt his wrist. Adam understood what Bombay was saying, but there was still a part of him that wouldn't let go of the toxic thoughts of his dad.

"I guess he is." Adam mumbled.

John scribbled down some notes before turning his attention back to Adam.

"How is hockey for you? How's Charlie?"

Adam smiled.

"Well, that area is fine. Probably the best thing in my life right now. Charlie's great. Best friend a guy could ask for. He's really been there for me and he's been great about keeping this a secret."

"Is he the only one on the team that knows?"

"Yeah."

"Have you ever thought about telling other people?"

"No way! I can't do that, they wouldn't understand."

"Have you given it much thought? Why are you so quick to dismiss it?" John said back.

Adam thought for a minute. He supposed he didn't know how the Ducks would react. Charlie was actually pushing him a little to spill it to them, but Adam didn't feel ready. He didn't want his label to go from cake eater to mentally ill. Double negative for him.

Sure the Ducks were his friends, but he didn't share a bond with them like he did with Charlie. Hell, Charlie was the only one that actually welcomed him to the team in the first place. Which was probably why it hurt so much when he was so quick to turn his back on him when he was put on varsity. Adam would be lying if he said he still didn't feel a little angry about that.

"I just don't think they would be as accepting toward it like Charlie was." Adam said, finally answering his question.

"Those are thoughts, not truths. Adam you have so many intrusive thoughts about what people would think about your situation. When in reality, you're really creating yourself more anxiety and stress by keeping it all in. Having a support system helps with recovery, and having good people around you is something I really think you need. When you tend to isolate, you become self destructive."

Adam tugged down his sleeve. He knew what he was referring to.

"How has that been?" John asked, eyeing Adam's arm.

"Fine." Adam quickly answered, glancing away.

"When was the last time you cut?"

Adam took a deep breath, tears pooling in his eyes.

"Two days ago."

John passed him a box of tissues and he quickly wiped away his tears before any fell.

"Let's talk about that."

Adam cringed.

"Do we have to?"

"Ignoring it will only make it worse."

Adam sighed as more tears started to form.

"I don't know, I just needed it. It was all too much. I tired doing some of the alternatives that you told me to do but it just didn't help." Adam shamefully admitted.

"Where did you do it? Your dorm?"

"The bathroom. I got a knife from the dining hall after lunch. I missed my next class to do it."

"What did you do to try and stop it?" He questioned.

"I was holding ice in my hand for twenty minutes but it didn't do anything. People were starting to notice. Averman thought I was trying to cool myself down or something, even though it's the middle of January. I left for the bathroom and tried to do breathing by myself but that didn't work either. When I came out everyone was gone and that's when I got the knife. Charlie asked me where I went when I got to hockey practice but I lied and said I went to class early. I don't think he believes me though, he kept asking about it yesterday." Adam finished, now with constant tears running down his cheeks.

"Adam, what is the biggest sensation you get when you cut? What was the reason for it two days ago?"

Adam sniffed and wiped his nose.

"I had no other way to channel the pain. I felt like I was going to explode unless I did it." He answered.

"Do you feel a release of emotional pain after you cut?"

Adam nodded.

"I feel so many things at once. I feel angry that I do it in the first place, I hate that I can't just be normal. I feel like I deserve it because I'm a mental fuck up who just disappoints everyone. But I just want the pain to get out of my head so I put it on my body. I know it's bad but I don't know how to stop!" Adam rambled before putting his face in his hands, his body becoming overcome with shame and tears.

"It's okay, Adam. Take some breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth." John reassured him.

Adam shakily took in a few sharp breaths and blew his nose before John spoke up again.

"Adam, you have so many distressing and crippling emotions that are draining you. Labeling yourself as a 'fuck up' and a 'freak' are only feeding these emotions that are causing you this unbearable feeling of sadness. Why does this make you a freak? Why is that how you label it?"

"Because that's what it is! I can't control my sadness and I cut myself because if it! You call that normal?" Adam cried.

"No, I call that depression. You see a freak when everyone else sees a boy in distress. Why don't you look at yourself that way?"

Adam blinked back more tears. Even if he wanted to, no matter how hard he tried he could only see a freak. He could never possess compassion for himself because he could only see his flaws. He can recall standing in front of a mirror in nothing but his boxers, looking at the various scars he inflicted onto his body and getting mad at himself for doing so. He remembers the tears and the screaming. And then the relapse. But he never gave himself compassion.

"I just can't."

John sighed and clicked his pen.

"Others would disagree. Your father. Your coach. Charlie. They would all want you to show yourself kindness."

Adam nodded, a light smile spread on his lips.

"Yeah I guess so. Charlie would at least. Probably why he was interrogating me so much yesterday." Adam trailed off.

"Charlie obviously cares about you very much, why did you feel the need to lie to him about it?"

"I don't want him to think that I'm getting worse again. It will just worry him. I don't want a repeat of the last time when he caught me trying to break open a pencil sharpener." Adam reminisced, shuddering at the horrible memory.

"Was that the same day someone saw you in the bathroom?"

Adam nodded.

"Fulton. He walked in as I was looking at my arm. I think he knew what was going on but he never brought it up again."

John nodded once more before setting his clipboard aside and leaning forward in his chair closer to Adam.

"It is possible Adam, that the stress of keeping this huge secret, is driving you to cut more? Because if I recall correctly, before Christmas you were happy as could be."

Adam smiled.

"It was really nice. Being around coach and Charlie. It's kinda cliche to say, but everything felt right with the world."

"And they both know about your situation. You admit yourself that having people around you who know is actually really helpful. So why are you passing the opportunity to have more support and kindness in your life?"

Adam tensed up and crossed his arms. He didn't have an answer.

Adam sat timidly in the front seat of his dad's Porsche, looking down at his folded hands that sat in his lap. The car ride back to Eden Hall was always silent and awkward. Neither one knew what to say so they rarely said anything. Philip Banks, although supportive of his son's treatment plan, didn't know how to be there for him. It just wasn't his area.

The man had never so much as heard about mental health until it was found in his son. Their family never had a history with it that they knew of. All he knew about it was the brief explanation that Adam's physiatrist gave him. He felt like he didn't even know how to approach his son. The times he did try and ask about it, Adam just shut him out. Yet, he still always attempted to get the boy to talk.

"So, how was it?" Philip awkwardly asked.

"Fine I guess." Adam replied.

"Is it helpful? What do you talk about?"

"Um just like school and stuff."

"I see."

Adam sighed and pressed his head against the window, dreading his return to school.

As Adam trudged through the halls he tried to make sense of what his therapist said. The rest of the session was mainly going over Adam's need of secrecy and security. His therapist believed that it was just creating more stress for him but Adam thought that it would only bring more stress if he told the Ducks about it. John actually didn't directly tell him he thought that was what he should do, but he did imply that he shouldn't be so afraid for the Ducks to find out. Adam still couldn't see the logic in that.

Upon arriving to the door of his english class, he took a deep breath before slowly turning the knob. Only to be met with about a dozen turned heads. Same thing every Wednesday. He kept his eyes to the floor and quickly made his way to his desk and took a seat without a word. He only turned around when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to Charlie in the row behind him.

"You okay?" He whispered.

Adam nodded and turned his attention back to the front of the room.

"Hey Bankise, why you always late?" Russ piped up, breaking the silence. He shared this class with quite a few Ducks. Charlie, Russ, Averman, and Fulton.

"Yeah seriously, it's like clockwork the way you show up." Averman said.

Adam felt his cheeks redden and he lightly shook his head.

"I just have things to do." He replied just above whisper.

"Like what?" Averman pushed.

"Shut up, Averman. He doesn't have to talk about it if he doesn't want to." Charlie defended. Adam silently thanked him.

Averman shrugged and went back to his work.

By the time english ended, Adam dashed out of his seat to avoid the unwanted integration by his teammates. Of course, Charlie was right on his tail. He was harder to avoid.

"Hey man, you doing okay?" Charlie asked, draping an arm over his shoulder.

"Yeah I'm good. Just hate when people ask me about that. You didn't say anything right?"

"No way, man. I promised I wouldn't. Besides, Averman has the attention span of a goldfish. I doubt he's got a burning curiosity about it." Charlie chuckled.

"You're probably right. Still annoying though."

"That's Averman."

The boys laughed before each turning to their respective classes. Adam breathed a sigh of relief knowing he was still in the clear.

Hockey practice wasn't any different. The minute he stepped into the locker room, Russ asked him again about where he was. Which sparked Averman's attention and soon enough the entire team was on his case. Adam made up a petty excuse and silently got dressed, rushing out onto the ice.

He was lucky enough to make it out of practice by just putting his head down and skating hard. Other than the occasional 'You doing okay?' from Charlie, he made it out alive.

Both him and Charlie were exhausted upon reaching their dorm, each one collapsing on their bed.

"Ugh, Coach Orion is killing me with these drills." Charlie groaned, splayed out like a starfish.

"I thought you were past hating him?" Adam grinned, pulling his sneakers off.

"I don't hate the guy. But, shit man, he could ease up on the drills. Is this what varsity was like?"

"Imagine those drills plus the entire team hating you." Adam replied, grabbing his sketchbook from his nightstand and opening to a clean page.

Typical nights for Charlie and Adam were just this. Adam drawing and Charlie usually blasting a Pantera cassette. He actually got too many complaints from others on their floor and was forced to use headphones, which pissed him off tremendously. Sometimes Fulton and Guy would come by with a deck of cards and that'd keep them busy for a while until someone got accused of cheating. One of the reasons Portman was banned from their floor. Chair thrown out the window.

The dorm was safe. The dorm held no shame. Whatever was happening with Adam, he knew he could let his guard down and just let it be. Charlie was always the one to ask about it, tonight however Adam felt more clamped up. The thought of talking right now kinda scared him.

Charlie stared at the boy lost in his sketchbook. He'd like to think that Adam was doing okay, but he always knew when he was slipping up. It was something he just couldn't hide. Charlie could read him like a book. He rose up from his spot and sat down next to Adam who slowly turned his head away from his drawing.

"Can I help you?" He asked sarcastically.

"How are you doing? And I want an honest answer with a pouring reply." Charlie said, slapping his thigh for emphasis. Adam laughed.

"Wow, Charlie."

"I'm serious, man. You haven't seemed like yourself the last few days. I just wanna make sure you're doing okay."

"I'm good Charlie I swear, this session was just hard."

"Wanna talk about it?"

Adam turned back to his drawing, suddenly lost interest.

"There's nothing to talk about about. It was just hard and I've moved on."

"Okay sure." Charlie said, still not convinced.

"Did you talk about two days ago?"

Adam slammed his pencil down.

"You're not still on that, are you?" Adam snapped.

"Well, why wouldn't I be? You're holding ice cubes in your hands for the first half of lunch. Then you disappear and I don't see you again till hockey practice. Of course I'm still on it! It's kinda obvious what was going on."

"Oh is it? It's that damn obvious? Charlie, you don't know everything about me, you know!"

"I'm not saying that, but even you can't deny that it looked pretty suspicious."

"Well maybe it wasn't what it looked like!"

"We both know it wasn't!

"Then why can't you just fucking drop it?"

"Adam! I just want you to be okay." Charlie said, softening his tone.

Adam set his sketchbook aside and slipped his shoes back on.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to get out of here. Don't follow me, you're not my damn babysitter." Adam spat, storming out.

Charlie flinched as Adam slammed the door and ran a hand through his hair.

"Way to go, Spazway."

 **A/N**

 **Just a heads up for some people who might need it. Adam did an anxiety reducer called 5-4-3-2-1. I do this a lot and it honestly really helps anxiety**

 **attacks. It's very easy too, basically you just find 5 things you see  
4 things you feel  
3 things you hear  
2 things you smell  
1 thing you taste  
Take deep breaths and regain your composure and your surroundings.  
This exercise has helped me so many times, I highly recommend it.**

 **But other than that, let me know what you thought of this and if I should continue with it. Also side note, I know that I tend to explore desk themes with these characters and I really hope it doesn't trigger anyone but for me it honestly feels like I'm channeling out some of my own pain with these characters. I see Adam as a very broken soul and that's kinda the area that I'm in right now. I feel like his character has a lot of layers that should have been explored more and this is merely my take on it. Plus him and Charlie are just my favorite and I need more of that in my life.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Sorry for the long wait, hopefully i don't make a habit of that. I was getting some writers block but i hope this chapter is fine. Thank you so much for the sweet reviews I got on the first chapter! It really does mean a lot to me. Let me know what you guys think and what you might want to see. Also Side note: After rewatching D3, I'm not totally sure if the local Ducks stay in the dorms but let's just say they do for the purpose of this fic. And I of course don't own the Mighty Ducks.**

Adam huffed as he made his way out of the dorms and into the bitter night air. His breath clouded in front of him and he wrapped his arms around his torso, cursing himself for not bringing a heavier jacket. He was too angry to consider it in the moment. He felt kinda bad that he got as angry as he did, but he also felt that he was in the clear. Charlie had been all over him lately.

He was happy to have Charlie around to talk to. It definitely saved him on more than one occasion. He just seemed to be overly concerned. Which Adam understood, but it still annoyed him.

Adam sighed and walked across the snow covered lawn, leaving boot imprints behind him. The snow seemed to sparkle under the moon and suddenly Adam wished he had his skates, as it reminded him of the Duck pond. Skating sounded really nice right now. Therapeutic, in fact. He would give anything to touch the ice right this second. Fly, the way Hans had taught them to. Skating brought him pure joy. Something that was scarce to him lately.

Adam suddenly stopped in his tracks and looked around. He wasn't sure what his initial plan was by storming out, but he knew he couldn't stay in the dorm. He honestly did want to talk with someone. The problem was with who. Charlie was smothering him and the other Ducks were out of the question.

Adam continued to walk outside the Eden Hall grounds, not caring if he got hammered for breaking curfew. He'd pay the price later. Right now, he just wanted to walk. Anything to occupy his mind, which always seemed occupied with something unwanted. He felt trapped. Trapped within his own head, and he couldn't run away from it. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how hard he skated, he always found himself in the same spot.

He really thought he'd be through most of this mess by now. After he was forced into therapy and got the anti depressants, he assumed he'd just be better. After he opened up, of course. The reality of the situation being that he felt more miserable. Well, maybe that wasn't a completely accurate statement.

Yes, he still felt misery more often than he'd like to. But he did have positives in his life. He was more than thankful to be back on JV. He never liked varsity to begin with. He didn't think the Ducks knew that though.

They just seemed to think his life was great because he was rich. Sure, he had money but he still had baggage that he dragged around from day to day. What's worse is that he felt like he was the only one on the Ducks who had such issues. Granted it was impossible to tell, he learned quickly that mental health came with a strong mask to hide everything. Something he definitely grew accustomed to.

He couldn't help but feel alone in that area of his life. Even if he had Charlie there by him, he didn't have problems like that. He could never truly understand. Adam wasn't sure if he even wanted him to.

Sometimes Adam wondered how him and Charlie became friends. They were polar opposites of each other. Adam growing up in an Edina suburb with two wealthy parents, while Charlie hardly remembered his father and was crammed into a tiny apartment with his mom, who worked countless hours at a diner just to make ends meet. Charlie had much more of an outgoing and social personality while Adam was introverted. Charlie obviously had more of a temper and Adam was timid. They were even different down to their wardrobe, Adam wearing his clean preppy clothes while Charlie stuck with his old flannels. Even though Adam stole them from time to time. They were comfortable.

Adam couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there must have been something that made them click. Adam could still pinpoint it to when Charlie attempted to welcome him to the Ducks. Even though he was stopped by Jesse, Adam never forgot the gesture.

By this time Adam had wandered off of campus and was strolling through the snowy streets of Minnesota. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he had an idea of what he was looking for. He just wasn't sure how to execute it quite yet.

He kicked the snow up from the ground and and blew a warm breath into his icy hands before jamming them into the pocket of his jeans. He walked along through the the Minneapolis area, straying away from people when they got to close. Another trait of social anxiety. He suddenly stopped when he got to the alley. Well, more like Fulton's alley, since he was the one there shooting most of the time.

Adam paused and looked both ways, making sure he was alone before entering. Looks like Fulton wasn't here tonight. Adam climbed onto a dumpster and sat and gazed at the empty alley. Funny, he thought, a few years ago he was here with his Hawk friends picking on the Ducks. Until of course Fulton came and hurled them at a pile of trash. Adam chuckled at the memory. It was just stange the way his life turned around.

He sometimes thought about his friends on the Hawks. Well, maybe not friends, rather old acquaintances. He would try to remember the good times, before the fallout when he switched to the Ducks. But he couldn't help but remember the hurt he felt when his Larson and McGill were so quick to hate him. He was lucky enough that the Ducks eventually opened up to him and he had them to fall back on. That wasn't quite the case with varsity.

Adam had really tried to figure out his spiraling patterns, what was it that made him go down these dark paths? He learned in therapy that it was more than just incidents that occur during everyday life. There was usually more to the story that dug a lot deeper. But Adam could trace a lot back to notable points in his hockey career.

First being when he left the Hawks. Even though in the long run, Adam was glad he was transferred, but at the time it was a bad experience. He was torn between loyalty for a team that would eventually stab him in the back, or playing for the love of the game. His dad was furious, even refused to acknowledge that his son played for the Ducks in the beginning. He would still wear his Hawks jacket and even tried to cut a deal with the pee wee hockey league.

Obviously when that didn't work out, Adam cut his losses and decided to just play for the Ducks. Which made him feel like a complete outcast. It really wasn't until the last game of the championship where he got slammed into the goalpost that he felt like he belonged. Before that it was all isolation and name calling. Even though he is a true Duck, that was the first time he felt alone.

The real spiraling however happened during the Junior Goodwill Games when he had hurt his wrist. The stress of keeping it a secret and playing while he was hurt really pushed him over the edge. More than he cared to admit. After he returned home, he got some talking from his dad about not telling anyone sooner, even though he kept it hidden for him in the first place. After he got the lecture, his wrist suddenly felt sore again. That was first night Adam Banks picked up a razor.

Varsity of course was a nightmare in itself. Adam hated it from the start but none of the Ducks seemed to even notice he was miserable. He really hit rock bottom during his time there. The feeling of being betrayed by his team again hurt way more this time around. He actually grew and bonded with the Ducks, unlike with the Hawks. He thought he could trust the Ducks. He thought the Ducks trusted him, but he clearly got that wrong.

Adam rubbed his wrist. He supposed maybe that was why he was so closed up about his mental health. He doesn't even want to think about what would happen if the Ducks turned on him again. It would probably break him.

Adam rubbed a hand down his face and hopped off the dumpster, dusting the snow off his jeans. He stuffed his hands back in his pockets before taking one last look at the deserted alley. Funny, how life works out.

…...

After walking for a little while longer, Adam came across the street of Mickey's dining car and figured he'd go inside to warm up.

He made his way over and slowly pushed open the door, checking to make sure Casey wasn't working tonight. Not that he held anything against her, he just wasn't up for any outside conversation at this time.

Stepping into the mostly empty diner, Adam found a seat on the far end of the counter. A waitress came over and he ordered a hot chocolate so he wouldn't get booted out. He sighed heavily and looked out the window, wishing he had his sketchbook with him. He took a sip of his hot chocolate and grasped the mug in attempt to warm his hands.

Suddenly feeling very lonely, Adam felt tears prick in his eyes. He wasn't about to let any fall but he couldn't help the feeling of sorrow. He hated getting random bursts like that. Especially in public. He harshly rubbed his face to try and calm down but he imagined it just made him look stupid. But it was all he had right now. He was without any coping mechanisms. Expect for talking. And there was only one person besides Charlie he could imagine talking to now, and he couldn't put it off any longer.

He thought and contemplated a moment before fishing in his front pocket for spare change. He stared at the shiny quarters in his palm before heading over to the payphone by the front entrance.

Slipping the coins in the slot, he shakily dialed the California area code and let it ring.

"Hello, Gordon Bombay." The voice on the other line picked up. Adam froze briefly, struggling to find his voice.

"Um, coach. It's Adam." He stuttered.

"Adam! It's great to hear from you. How are you doing?"

"Well, I kinda wanted to talk to you about that. Is this a bad time?"

"No not at all, what's going on?" Bombay questioned. Adam sighed and bit his lip. He suddenly had a numb feeling pulse through his body.

"Well, I had a long therapy session today. And he told me a lot of things but I kinda wanted a second opinion."

"Okay, what did he say?"

Adam paused.

"I think he wants me to tell the other Ducks about my… situation. But I just don't know if that's a good idea. I know that they all mean well but I don't want them to know everything. I guess I was just wondering what you thought. Sorry if it was stupid to call you."

"No Adam I'm glad you did. I'm always glad when you do. But this isn't something that anyone can tell you to do. You ultimately have to be the one to decide whether or not you think it's right."

Adam nodded even though Bombay couldn't tell.

"But what would you say I should do?"

"Well, I can't really say because I'm not in this situation. But I think the Ducks would be very understanding of it just like Charlie was. I know these last few months have been rough on you but maybe it'd be better if you were more open about it."

"That's the vibe I got from my therapist."

"What do you think about that?"

Adam thought for a moment while wrapping the phone cord around his hand.

"I honestly don't know. My first thought is that it would be a bad idea, but maybe I do need more people. I just don't want it to backfire on me."

"That's perfectly reasonable. And it's not like you have to tell them everything but maybe just let them know why you've been different these last few months and I'm sure they'll understand. I know they will."

Adam smiled to himself.

"Thanks coach. It's just been hard lately."

"I know Adam. But there's more to why you called me, isn't there? How are you actually doing. Don't lie to me."

Even over the phone, Adam could picture the stern face of his former coach.

"I had a relapse two days ago." Adam confessed.

"Did you tell your therapist?"

"Yeah, he knows. But it's been kinda hard with Charlie. He keeps asking me about it."

"He's just concerned, but I do know he can be a bit overbearing sometimes. He's got a bit of a hot head."

"That's putting it lightly." Adam chuckled. If Charlie didn't have issues with depression, he definitely had some with anger.

"Yeah but it's all out of concern. I'll be honest Adam, I'm concerned too. I know you are in therapy and doing a lot of work in there but I can't help but worry about the, well, self harm. I know that's a touchy subject for you but all I want is for you to be safe."

Adam looked down at his shoes, unsure of how to respond.

"I'm safe, coach. I just had a bad day."

"Can you promise me you are not in danger?"

"Yes, I promise."

Gordon sighed with relief.

"Just wanna make sure. You'll be okay the rest of the night?"

"I'll be fine, coach."

"Okay, you call me back though if you need it."

"I will. Thanks again."

"No problem. Take care, Adam."

Adam hung up and let out a content sigh and smiled. Coach really did always know what to say. He left a five dollar bill on the counter before stepping back out into the freezing night on his way back to Eden Hall.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey! So sorry for the wait. I ran into a bit of writer's block, but hopefully this next chapter plays out niceley. I hope I don't say this too much but I really want to thank everyone for reading my story, it means so much and I hope I deliver good content. Enjoy chapter 3, and I don't own the mighty ducks.

A week had gone by since the relapse, and Adam could feel his urges come back. Not that he would say anything to anyone, that would be a recipe for disaster. For now at least, he had it under control. Things had luckily gotten a little better with Charlie. He wasn't as overbearing but he was still on him. Hopefully that'd get better with time.

He tapped his pencil on the side of his sketchbook as he listened to the torturous history lecture that he should have been paying more attention to. He sighed and looked out the window at the heavy snowfall that blanketed the lawn. He was itching to skate, or at least get out of this class.

History was one of his only classes without any Ducks. Instead he was crammed in with varsity players. Just his luck. They usually left him alone but on occasions he got a shove or two from Cole. He really just tried to avoid Riley at all costs. When he got involved that's when things turned for the worst.

Adam took another glance out the window before opening his sketchbook to a fresh page and began to draw the snowy landscape. His history teacher wasn't going to let up with talking anytime soon. So Adam turned his brain off and let the pen take over his thoughts. At least he sat in the back of the room so he wouldn't get busted for it.

Lost in his drawing, he didn't hear the bell ring and was only brought out his trance when the bustling of other students leaving the room caught his attention. He scooped up his sketchbook and left his seat only to be stopped in the doorway by nobody other than varsity themself.

"Hey Banksy, whatcha got there?" Cole teased, reaching for his sketchbook.

Adam jerked away and tightened his arms around his precious object.

"Just leave me alone, Cole." Adam grumbled, attempting to push through the barrier of jacked up seniors. Luckily, being close to six foot he was able to shove past the varsity goons and make it into the hallway. But not before Reily swiped his sketchbook out of his arms as quick as a flash.

"Hey! Give me that!" Adam cried in panic, reaching for the book Riley was now flipping through.

"What have we got here, boys? Hey, look at this! Seems like the little duck is an artist." Riley teased. The other varsity players laughed as Adam felt his whole body tense up. His chest began to tighten and his face got hot as he tried to find his voice.

"Riley give it back!"

"Aw, looks like we upset the little duck. Hey, Cole, catch!" Reiley taunted before tossing the book over Adam's head. Cole flipped through Adam's secret book and laughed.

"Wow. Looks like Banks is a total wuss. But you know what? I think you have too many pages in here, Banksy." Cole grinned as he ripped through a several layers. Adam cringed in horror as his secret artwork fell onto the dirty floor for the whole world to see. Adam bit his tongue and curled his hands into fists to keep his distress inside.

"Hey! The hell do you think you're doing?"

Adam looked up and saw his fellow Bash Brothers coming toward the flock of varsity, rage in their eyes. Portman shoved Cole, making him drop the sketchbook which Adam lunged for.

"Get outta here Portman." Cole spat back. "This doesn't concern you."

"Hell yeah it does! Now are we gonna have a bigger problem than this already is, or are you gonna get your sorry ass outta here before Fulton and I go full bash on you!?" Portman roared loud enough for even Riley to flinch, which he quickly wiped off into a grin.

"Come on guys, we got better things to do. Hey Banks, good luck at your game today. Don't choke like you just did, or they might crush you. Kinda like this." Riley said before grinding the heel of his shoe onto one of Adam's drawings before turning to leave, his henchman following close behind. Adam bent down to pick up the remains of his sketchbook, Fulton following suit.

"Hey you okay, Adam?" Fulton asked.

"Yeah I'm good. Thanks for getting rid of them. You guys are much more of a threat than I am."

"Hey, that's why we're here! To play hockey and show these preppies who's boss!" Portman said, flexing his arms.

Adam laughed and Fulton rolled his eyes as he handed Adam the drawings he picked up. Both boys stood up and followed Portman to the Cafeteria to meet the other Ducks. Fulton gave Adam a small nudge.

"Hey don't let them get to you. They're just trying to get a rise outta you."

"I know, I just hate that they ripped up my book. I think I would have preferred a punch in the gut." Adam grumbled.

"Did you draw those?"

"Yeah, I know it's dumb its just-"

"No dude, I was gonna say they were really good, Where'd you learn to draw like that?" Fulton asked and Adam smiled.

"I didn't learn, I just do it." Fulton smirked as they entered the crowded dining room.

Adam and the Bash Brothers made their way quickly through the lunch line and took their usual seats with the Ducks. Adam sat between Julie and Charlie and greeted him with a shy smile.

"Hey Adam. Woah, what happened to your sketchbook?" Charlie said, taking it in his hands to examine it.

"Varsity." Adam said rolling his eyes. "But it's not a huge deal. I'm sure I can put it back together somehow."

Charlie growled.

"Man I hate those guys. I'm really sorry Adam. Are you sure you're okay?"

Adam gave him an annoyed look.

"Charlie, I swear I'm fine. At least none of them are ruined. Well except the ones Riley stepped on." Adam sighed as he set the teared ones down gently on the table. Julie cocked her head and gazed at Adam's artwork admiringly.

"Wow, Adam. Did you draw those?"

"Uh yeah. You like them?" Adam blushed.

"Yeah they're great! I had no idea you could draw! Where'd you learn to do that?"

"Just kinda took it up I guess."

"I really like this one." Julie said picking one up and gently caressing it.

Adam remembered drawing that one. It was one of his earlier drawings, one that he wasn't very proud of. It was smudgey and the lines weren't as straight as his others. But it wasn't bad. It was a detailed but sloppy picture of the Eden Hall ice rink, after the Warriors got renamed as the Ducks. The rink itself wasn't perfect but the Duck banner he did nicely, that was mainly what he was focused on anyway.

"Really? You can have that one if you want, I think you like it more than I do." Adam said shyly.

Julie smiled

"Thanks. Connie look as this!" Julie said passing it one seat over. Adam put his head down and blushed at the sudden attention.

"So you ready for the game today?" Charlie asked, pulling Adam back to reality. Adam shrugged.

"I guess so."

"You guess so? Come on! We're playing another team of state champs! I thought you'd be pumped."

"I guess I'm just nervous."

"But you don't get nervous. Is it varsity? What did they say?" Charlie asked getting defensive.

"Nothing. They just tore up my sketchbook."

"Well, they must have said something to you."

"Nothing more than what they usually say. It's really not a big deal, Charlie."

Charlie sighed.

"Okay, if you're sure."

Adam nodded and turned his attention back to his shredded book, trying to put the upcoming game out of his thoughts.

…..

"Hello Eden Hall and welcome this weeks showdown between the Eden Hall Mighty Ducks and the Quincy Patriots. Have we got a game for you today."

Adam took a deep breath before sliding on his helmet as he was the starter. He was usually never nervous before games, the opposite in fact. Hockey was one of his safe havens. This game however, he wanted to be benched.

"Okay team, gather around." Coach Orion ordered.

Adam followed the rest of his fellow Ducks and circled around their coach. Charlie nudged him playfully and Adam tried to smile.

"Now, I won't sugar coat this. This team is tough. They won't show any mercy either. Remember, defense. Make them make the first move. Keep your focus. This game has a lot riding on it and it could help us advance further to state. So play your hardest. Alright hands in. On three: quack."

The team did their ritual chant and it was game on. Adam skated out on the rink and took his place in the center. Crouching down and putting his stick on the ice, he took one quick glance to Charlie on his right before facing the captain of the Patriots. The ref dropped the puck and Adam pouched on it. Dashing past the captain, Adam was flying before he felt himself get hooked and was taken down. He grumbled to himself before quickly making his way back up.

Adam skated toward the other end of the rink where the puck was currently headed. The other team's forward had the puck that Charlie was trying to steal back. But just before Charlie could get in there, the guy shot right under Julie's glove.

Shit. If they can score against the Cat, they were really screwed.

Adam shook his head. Hoping this game would be over sooner rather than later.

….

It was third period with two minutes left. They were currently tied 2-2. Adam was still on the ice, right behind Charlie, both defending their side of the rink. Their main priority was obviously defence, but they all wanted the win. Adam was just hoping he wouldn't be the one to do it.

He had played a lousy game, he didn't have to be told twice. He'd been sent to the box more than he'd like to admit and let the puck get away from him several times. He didn't even score one of the goals despite being the team's top scorer. He just couldn't find himself today, all he could do was wait it out till it was over.

Charlie had stolen the puck and quickly passed it to Adam. Adam had a brief moment of panic before skating hard down the ice to the Patriots zone. His heart pumping and his head spinning, he felt like he was going to explode. Coach Orien's orders from the bench, the screaming from the crowd, chants from his other teammates, all of it made Adam's skin crawl. His only focus was to keep moving. Just keep moving.

Adam made it to the other side. With the other patriots on his back, he wound up to take his shot.

"Hey Banks! Don't choke!"

Adam looked up wide eyed and came face to face with Riley. His dark eyes stared him down and took him in a trance. Adam froze before he had his chance to shoot and the Patriots swept the puck right from under his nose. Before Adam could react, the Patriots were already halfway across the rink.

Adam couldn't move. Instead he watched the Captain score just before the buzzer went off, costing the Ducks the game. Adam looked over his shoulder toward Riley and the rest of varsity who were all in a fit of laughter, pointing at him. Adam put his head down and shamefully skated over to the bench.

"What the hell was that Banks?! You had the shot!" Orion yelled.

Adam flinched and followed his other Ducks to the locker room, where he was only met with more criticism.

"Adam, what the hell?" Russ said, nudging him hard on the arm.

"Yeah, Adam. We almost had it!" Guy said joining in.

Adam said nothing and just took his helmet and gloves off, shoving them in his locker.

"Both of you shut up! It could happen to anybody!" Charlie defended.

"Well of course you'd say that, Spazway!" Portman fought back, shoving him in the chest.

"Portman, quit it!" Fulton said, stepping in to hold him back.

"Oh what? Spazway can't handle himself?"

"Alright, that's it!"

Pretty soon Charlie was in a shoving match with Portman, being held back by Dwayne while Fulton kept his hold on the other Bash Brother. Orion stormed in, silencing the comotion. With his hands on his hips and his lips pursed, he turned to Adam.

"Banks, what were you thinking?"

Adam didn't look up.

"I'll tell you what you were thinking. You weren't thinking! You were hardly thinking during that game! Bad defence, poor focus, and freezing like a deer in the headlights! You know I don't care about wins but we were all counting on you!"

"I'm sorry." Adam mumbled, eyes fixed to the ground.

"Well, you'll have plenty of time to get your head straight when you're on third line."

Adam's head shot up at this. That really was a major diss.

"Hey coach, that's not fair!" Charlie said.

"Watch it Conway, or you'll be joining him."

Charlie held his hard stare, but kept his mouth shut.

Orion ran a hand down his face.

"If we're gonna make it to state, we're going to have to do a lot better than this. Go shower. Practice tomorrow. 5 am sharp."

Everyone groaned before he left the locker room and everyone turned to Adam.

"Thanks a lot Adam. We could have had a day off." Portman mumbled before heading to the showers. The other Ducks followed suit. Adam kept his gaze down and waited for the locker room to clear out. With the exception of Charlie, who had a softer gaze.

"Adam, what happened?"

"I don't know Charlie. Just leave me alone." Adam said before standing up and exiting the locker room. Charlie knew better than to follow him.

….

It was way past curfew and Adam was nowhere to be found on campus. Just the way he wanted it. Instead he was sitting in the alley once again. Somewhere he knew he could be alone. At Eden Hall, it was too hard to avoid the Ducks. He was dreading their practice tomorrow. He knew they'd have it in for him. He hadn't spoken to anyone since the game was over. Even skipped dinner just to hide from his team.

They must have hated them after this. Charlie wasn't even trying to talk to him. How could he be so stupid? He had the shot! If only Riley had just shut his mouth.

Adam put his face in his hands, before allowing himself to cry. He wanted to run away, never show his face in Eden Hall again. How was he supposed to face anyone after that? He could have cost them their chance at state. He wiped the back of his hand over his eyes and found his hand going to his arm. He wished it weren't so cold, he needed to take the edge off. He had to take the edge off. Now.

He knew he promised himself he wouldn't. He'd been clean for a week. Both his therapist and Bombay were clearly proud of his resistance to the urge, but he couldn't care less about that now. He wouldn't care if he let anyone down by cutting. He wouldn't even care if Charlie saw him do it. He just wanted it.

He shoved himself off the dumpster and quickly ran out of the alley and turned a corner before he ran right into someone, knocking himself down in the process.

"Damn, Adam. Are you okay?"

Adam looked up from his place on the ground to find Fulton standing over him with an outstretched hand. Adam blinked a couple time before gratefully accepting Fulton's help, pulling himself up to his feet.

"You alright?" Fulton repeated.

"Yeah I'm good. Thanks. What are you doing out here this late?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Adam smirked and rubbed the back of his head.

"Yeah I guess so."

"So, what are you doing out here so late?" Fulton pushed. Adam shrugged.

"Just needed some air."

"Sure, okay."

Adam looked down and crossed his arms.

"Aren't you worried about curfew?"

"No. They don't check the dorms after ten. And besides, someone had to look for you." Fulton said. Adam looked up.

"You were looking for me?"

"Well sort of. I checked back into yours and Charlie's dorm and saw you weren't there. Portman and I did a sweep of the campus and we still couldn't find you. I actually gave up and thought you just went back to your dorm, I didn't expect to find you here."

"Oh. So what, you just always sneak out past curfew?" Adam questioned.

"Kind of. I like it here. Always have." Fulton said, walking back into the alley, Adam following suit.

Fulton took a seat on the dumpster Adam was previously sitting on. Adam joined him, awkwardling swinging his legs to distract himself.

"What are you really doing out here? Don't say you want fresh air, it's January."

Adam slightly smiled.

"I just wanted to be alone after today. I'm sure they hate me after that."

"They don't hate you, Adam. Sure they were mad at first but they were all wondering where you were at dinner. Charlie was still looking for you after I left. He was pretty pissed that Orion bumped you down."

Adam nodded.

"So, what did happen during the game? I mean, we've played together since pee wee's. That is not how you usually play."

Adam looked down embarrassed.

"I just had a lot on my mind. I honestly didn't even want to play today. It's just that- nevermind."

"What?"

"Look, no offence Fulton, but I really don't wanna talk about it with you."

Fulton nodded in understanding before letting out a heavy sigh and turning to face Adam.

"Adam, I know it's none of my business. And I truly don't know what's going on with you, but I do know that whatever it is, it really worries Charlie and it clearly takes a toll on you."

Adam perked up.

"Wait, what did Charlie tell you?"

"Nothing, he just says he worries about you."

Both boys were quiet. Adam cleared his throat to mask the uncomfortable silence before Fulton spoke up again.

"Is it about what happened in the bathroom?"

Adam's heart dropped. He was hoping that Fulton had dropped that all together. Why bring it up now? He had never asked him about it before. Adam swallowed before responding.

"No, that was nothing."

Fulton nodded in understanding.

"I get if you don't want to talk to me about it. I know we aren't that close. But I'll be willing to listen if you need it."

Adam looked up at the quiet bash brother and could tell he was being sincere. He could admit that he was glad it was Fulton who caught him in the bathroom instead of someone else. But he still didn't see how he could tell him anything.

"I'm sorry. It's just too hard for me to let my guard down. I just don't want it to backfire on me you know? Like, what if people react badly to it? What if they don't understand?"

Fulton put a hand on his shoulder.

"Whatever it is, I can promise I won't judge you for it. And it will stay between you and me."

Adam had never seen this side of Fulton before. They definitely weren't the closest of friends, but something in Fulton really spoke to him. The same something that he had seen in Charlie. Adam looked up before taking a deep breath.

"You really wanna know?"

"Yean, man."

Adam bit his tongue to keep his tears inside.

"Over the last few years. I've been struggling with… depression. And anxiety. And it's been really hard for me. It got even worse when we all started school here. I hated varsity. From the beginning. I didn't want to be there in the first place, but I didn't have a choice. I swear, I had no idea about the dinner prank they pulled."

"I believe you. And I'm sorry we treated you so badly. I think we were all just so angry at that time."

"Yeah I guess so. God, I can't believe I told you that! That was so dumb!" Adam said freaking out. Fulton shook his head.

"No Adam it's not. Believe me, it's not. This is nothing to be ashamed about. I know how it feels."

"How would you know? You don't have to deal with this crap!" Adam snapped.

Fulton jumped back at Adam's sudden outburst before turning his head forward. He was quiet for a moment before speaking up.

"You know, I've been coming to this alley since I was a kid. Everyday I would come here to shoot even though I didn't play hockey. It didn't really matter to me as long as I had the alley to do it in. I always felt like it was my special spot." Fulton said, looking at Adam. Adam turned to him before he continued.

"When I was a kid, my mom was really depressed. She would go for days without leaving the house sometimes. The alleyway was the only place I could get away from it. I don't know exactly what it feels like to have depression, but I know what it can do to a person. My mom only just got on the right medication last year. I thought she never would. I honestly didn't think she would make it."

Adam was at a loss for words.

"Fulton, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"I've never told anyone that before. Not even Portman knows."

"Well, you can trust me."

Fulton lightly nudged him.

"Thanks Banks. But you really shouldn't feel embarrassed. Charlie probably knows, right?"

"Yeah, he was the first one I told."

Fulton nodded and thought for a moment before cautiously asking his next question.

"Adam, what were you doing in the bathroom?"

Adam tensed again before responding.

"Nothing."

Fulton firmly grabbed Adam's arm, forcing him to look at him in the eye.

"Adam. Were you cutting?"

Adam's face scrunched up as he let a few tears fall before vigorously nodding in shame.

Fulton's face softened and he put a caring hand on Adam's shoulder. Moving it back and forth as he cried. Adam quickly regained his composure and took a few deep breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth.

"I'm so sorry, Adam. I didn't mean to make you upset. Are you okay though? I mean, do you have someone to talk to?"

"Yeah, I see a therapist. How did you know, though? About the… cutting?"

Fulton shrugged.

"It just added up. But Adam, man, that's so dangerous."

"It's really not as bad as you think. I've never gone too deep. It's like a release. Fulton, please don't tell the other Ducks. Promise me." Adam demanded. Fulton held his hands up.

"Alright, alright, I promise. But Adam, why? If anyone is going to understand, it's the Ducks. And you really shouldn't be hiding something serious like this."

Adam groaned and hopped off the dumpster and started to frantically pace.

"God damnit, why does everyone keep telling me that?! I mean, they don't know what it's like to live with this let alone keep it a secret! I had the hardest time telling Charlie and Bombay, I can't believe I even told you! They just won't understand!

Fulton got to his feet as well and stopped Adam in his steps.

"Adam, calm down. I promise I won't say anything. But maybe keeping this to yourself is a lot worse than you think. What's the worst that could happen if you told the Ducks?"

Adam squeaked in response, unable to answer.

"Exactly, you don't know because you won't give it a chance. Think about it: are the Ducks really gonna judge you for this? Does that really seem like something they do? I think they'll be shocked but they would understand. Give it a chance. You might be surprised. You were with me, right?"

Adam smiled, wiping his eyes.

"Well yeah, but you're just one person. Not a dozen people. I don't even know how I would begin to tell them.

"Do it like you did with me. The Ducks are your team and friends. We would never judge for something like this. And if anyone does, you know Portman and I will kick some ass!"

"I'm sure you will." Adam said laughing before Fulton continued.

"Hey, I'm not telling you to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. But I know the Ducks would be fine with it. I just want to help you." Adam rolled his eyes.

"Wow you sound like Charlie."

"But there's a perfect example! You told me, someone on the Ducks, and it just made me want to help you. Not hate you for it."

"Alright you win, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell everyone right away.

"Hey man, it's all you. But seriously, think about it. I know it probably doesn't feel like, but what you're feeling isn't permanent. And it's fixable."

Adam smiled.

"Okay, I don't know about you, but I'm freezing. And we should probably get back to school." Fulton pointed out as Adam checked his watch. Definitely should head back. Past 11. And they had to be up at five the next morning.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Adam agreed as they both made their way out of the alley.

They walked in silence for the most part, making awkward small talk in between. Adam was still in a bit of shock that he opened up to Fulton that much. He did have to admit, it felt kinda good to get it all out. And Fulton seemed really trustworthy. Maybe the other Ducks would be too.

Once they got to Eden Hall, they both as quietly as possible snuck up to their respected rooms. Fulton being on the second floor and Adam on the third. Fulton turned to walk away before Adam put a hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks, Fulton. Really." Adam said, Fulton smiling in response.

"No problem, Adam. Anytime."

Adam returned the gesture and quickly ran up to his shared dorm with Charlie before he really got caught. He reached his room and saw light in the crack under the door. Charlie would still be awake. He took a deep breath before slowly turning the knob to find Charlie asleep at his a desk. Adam chuckled before lightly shaking him awake.

"Hey, hey Spazway. Come on, quit drooling on your textbook."

"Huh? Adam? Adam! Are you alright? Where were you? I've been looking all over campus!" Charlie said startling up.

"Woah Charlie, I'm fine. I just needed some air. Come on, it's late. And we got practice tomorrow."

"What time is it?"

Adam checked his watch.

"11:45."

"Shit, were gonna be exhausted. I can't believe he's making us get up at five on a saturday!"

"Yeah, that was probably my fault. I should have taken the damn shot. I'm really sorry man."

"Adam it's not your fault. Everyone has off days. And hey, if it makes you feel better, I've had much worse attempts a shot."

"Well duh, why do you think you're called Spazway?"

Both Ducks laughed as Charlie got up and stretched, making his way to his bed to change into proper sleepwear. He tossed Adam an old flannel of his and sunk onto his bed. Adam slipped on Charlie's borrowed shirt and followed suit after turning off the light. Adam tried to relax and close his eyes only to be consumed by his talk with Fulton, hoping he didn't give too much away. He could still never be too careful.

"Hey, Adam?" Charlie asked in the darkness.

"What?"

"Where did you go?"

Adam sighed.

"I just had to get out for a while. Look, I'll fill you in tomorrow after practice, okay? I'm exhausted right now."

"You promise?"

"Yes, Charlie. I promise."

"Okay. Cause you know you can always talk to me right?"

"Yeah." Adam said, sinking back into his pillow. "I do."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N I really liked the idea from the last review I was given, I did however already had the chapter half done when I got it so it will be different. I did however want to incorporate some of that into this chapter and here's the result. As always, thanks for reading and I do not own the mighty ducks.**

"Adam. Adam. Adam!"

Adam jerked awake to find Charlie standing over him with groggy eyes and messy hair, shaking him awake. Weird, he thought. Charlie was never the first one awake, Adam was usually the one who had to haul him out of bed.

"Practice."

"Shit." Adam grumbled, pulling the sheets off himself.

Adam sat on the edge of his bed, his cold feet touching the hardwood floor. He rubbed his eyes and yawned before standing up to find a clean shirt. After rummaging through his draws, he just stole one of Charlie's shirts again. He opened his sock drawer and took out his pill sorter, downing his medication for the day.

"You ready for this?" Charlie asked, stretching his arms over his head.

"No."

"It's gonna be fine, man."

"Easy for you to say, you don't have the entire team on your ass."

"I'm sure they're over it."

"Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. Let's just get it over with." Adam mumbled, tying his shoes.

Charlie and Adam were surprisingly the first ones to the rink. They usually were more than fashionably late due to Charlie's inability to get out of bed. Adam was just grateful to beat the rush.

Quietly changing into their pads, they both went out on the ice, waiting for their team and coach to show up. They skated in silence, still trying to wake up. Adam wasn't ready for facing anyone today. He tried to take some deep breaths to bring himself back to earth but it wasn't worth trying while he was skating. And the last thing he wanted was Charlie asking him a million questions.

Both boys turned their heads when the door to the rink opened and a couple Ducks pooled out. Adam still couldn't tell who was who but he hoped nobody would cause a stir. He turned his head in surprise when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey man, just wanted to make sure you were okay." Fulton asked. Adam nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks again for last night. Sorry I kept you out late."

"Don't even worry about it."

"You didn't tell anyone, did you?"

"Hey, I promised I wouldn't."

"Just checking. Thanks." Adam said skating away. He wasn't in a talking mood.

One by one, the rest of the Ducks showed up along with Orion, who looked just about as pissed off as he did before. The Ducks all gathered around him, taking a knee. Adam put his head down to avoid the death glares he was getting from most of the team.

"Alright. You all know why you're here. I don't wanna waste anytime with petty stares and shoves, so knock that off right now. I see any of that, it's an extra five laps. Now, on your feet. Twenty laps. Let's go."

Orion blew the whistle and Adam waited for everyone else to start so he could stay behind the flock. Something he rarely did. He wished he could just turn invisible.

After laps, Orion didn't ease up anything. He had them doing drills every minute without a minute breathe or even a swig of water. He even had them do a scrimmage, where Adam took quite a few checks to the boards. Not that anyone seemed to notice.

Finally, at 7:30, Orion let them off the hook.

"I hope you've all had time to think hard during this practice. I want you guys to really be prepared for our next game. I'll give you the day off tomorrow but be ready for Monday afternoon. Go shower and enjoy the rest of the weekend." Orion said before skating off.

The Ducks flooded the locker room and nobody said a word, Adam thanked higher power for that. He thought he almost made it out alive before Portman spoke up.

"Thanks again, Adam."

"Portman, shut up! It's not his fault." Fulton said, coming to his defense.

"Oh what? Now you're defending him? Give me a break, Fulton!" Portman raged, angrily stomping to the showers.

The other Ducks sat in silence for a moment before slowly following suit. Charlie stayed behind and gave Adam a questioning look.

"Well, at least Fulton seems to be on your good side. You wanna talk about last night?" Adam shook his head.

"Later maybe. I'm gonna wait them out."

Charlie nodded in understanding before patting Adam's shoulder and heading to the showers.

He still waited last to shower. He always did. When everyone was gone, Adam finally allowed himself to undress and shower. Letting the now lukewarm water wash over him, he couldn't help but gaze at his scarred body.

He hated looking at it. Who wouldn't? It did nothing but embarrassed and enable him. He shook his head, trying to resist the urge. He still kept spare blades for emergencies. He definitely had to keep quiet about that. He knew Charlie would have a conniption fit if he ever found out. After spending more than a good twenty minutes in the shower, he finally shut off the water and went to change.

He pulled on his clean clothes and searched his bag for his comb. Digging deeper, he tensed up when he felt the small metal box. He did a quick scan of the room before pulling out the secret object. He forgot that he left it in there.

He opened it up and stared at the shining blades. He shuttered and picked one up, gazing at it. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to do it. He really wanted to do. He quickly put the blade back and shoved the box in his back pocket. He couldn't do it now, too out in the open.

Exiting the locker room, he didn't bother going to the cafeteria. His stomach felt like cement. Instead he figured he go back the dorm. He turned to leave as heard a voice behind him

"Adam, there you are. That took a while. Did you just get out of the showers?" Charlie asked, eyeing his wet hair.

"Uh, yeah. I was just going to head back to the dorm."

"Aren't you gonna get something to eat?"

"Not hungry."

"You should eat something."

"I'm fine."

"Come on, humor me. You'll feel better. Besides, it's only the Ducks in the dining hall. Everyone else is still asleep."

"Alright, fine." Adam said caving in, allowing Charlie to pull him down the hallway to the cafeteria.

Even though it was only the Ducks in there, it was still as loud and rambunctious as any other day. From what Adam could gather, Portman and Fulton were betting on arm wrestling and Averman and Goldberg were in a heated argument. Probably about something stupid, no doubt. Adam and Charlie went to the deserted lunch line and Adam grabbed himself a bagel to get Charlie off his back. He followed him to the Ducks usual table and felt his back pocket before he sat down. Just knowing they were there was enough to get rid of some of the nerves.

Adam took a seat beside Charlie, who was at the head of the table, before ripping apart his bagel and forcing the pieces down his throat. He was hoping he could get away without talking to anyone. Luckily no one had spoke to him yet.

"That's all your eating?" Charlie asked.

"I told you I wasn't hungry."

"Well here, you should have more than that." Charlie said, handing him a chocolate milk. One of Adam's guilty pleasures. Adam smiled and took it, downing half of it in one gulp.

"Knew you wouldn't say no." Charlie smirked.

Adam rolled his eyes and went back to his bagel.

The remainder of breakfast for him was quiet and uneventful, but above all else stressful. While the rest of his teammates laughed and talked, he kept his gaze down and tried to blend in. The noise itself was making him anxious, he could feel himself stiffen. Charlie tried to get him to talk more only to be met by friendly nods. Adam just wanted to hide. He was about to get up and leave before he was stopped by Julie.

"Hey, Adam. Do you have a minute?"

"Uh sure." He said, sitting back down. Julie followed suit and gave him a warm smile.

"Look, I just wanted to say that I don't think everyone should be mad at you. I hope you didn't take it too personally. It's just a game after all, right?"

"Yeah of course. No big deal." He lied.

"Good. Cause you don't deserve that. And I'm really sorry coach put you on third line. That was really uncalled for."

"Thanks. I'm still kinda pissed about that."

"Well who wouldn't be? But, I just wanted to make sure you knew that I wasn't mad at you."

"Thanks, Julie. Listen, I've gotta run. But, thanks." Adam stammered awkwardly before rising and picking up the remains of his breakfast.

"No problem, Adam." She said smiling.

Adam turned to leave, throwing out the other half of the uneaten bagel. Charlie quickly followed behind.

"You good?"

"Yeah. Just wanna get out of here."

Charlie nodded and followed him to the dorms. They both took a seat on their beds and Adam had laid back down, muscles aching. He could have fallen back asleep. He probably would have if Charlie wasn't questioning him.

"So, you said you would tell me where you were last night after practice."

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"Where were you then?"

"Out with Fulton."

"Fulton? Why?"

"Well, actually, I told him."

Charlie scrambled up from his bed and planted himself at the foot of Adam's. Adam couldn't help but chuckle a bit at his sudden movements.

"You told him? Like about the, you know what?" Charlie asked slightly too excited.

"Yes. About the mental stuff."

"Adam that's great! How'd it go?"

"Honestly? It was fine. I was really surprised. Fulton was really understanding of it."

"Oh that's awesome! Adam I'm so glad!"

"Thanks. It's weird you know? I didn't expect to spill it to anyone, let alone Fulton. But I think it turned out alright."

"So does this mean your gonna tell the other Ducks?"

Adam shrugged.

"I don't know. If I was going to, I definitely wouldn't do it now while they are all pissed at me."

"Maybe telling them now would be a good thing. They'd probably forget the Patriots game all together." Charlie pointed out.

"Please don't remind me of that. I could have blown our chance at state with that screw up." Adam said, ashamed.

"I've been wondering, how did that even happen? You freezing up like that? Listen I'm not mad about it, but how did that happen?"

Adam clenched his teeth when he thought back to Riley and his goons laughing at his mess up. He wished he had the courage to sock it to him, even though that wasn't his nature.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Adam-"

"Charlie, I said I don't wanna talk about it, okay?" Adam snapped.

Charlie startled back but dropped the subject.

"Okay, okay. Well, what do you want to do today? No practice, no school. Rest of the day is ours."

"I honestly kinda wanna be alone, Charlie. Can we meet up later you think?"

"Sure, I get it. Linda was gonna help me study anyway. Wanna meet back here before dinner?"

"Sounds perfect." Adam smiled sitting up and collecting his things. He wanted to be alone alright. Off campus. He pulled his jacket on and was about to make his way out the door before Charlie had to have his last words.

"You'll be okay?"

"Do I need to stitch that on a pillow for you?"

"That would be a start." Charlie smiled. Adam rolled his eyes before slipping out the door.

….

Adam was an introverted soul who had been know to spends hours to whole days just wandering. Doing nothing in particular but just walking around, maybe stopping to draw every once in awhile. That's exactly what he planned on doing today. He also had too much on his mind to be around anyone. He was hoping that the team would drop the whole thing soon, he couldn't stand everyone being mad at him.

He really tried to not let it bother him but he knew himself well enough that it was inevitable for it to get to him. He was just wired that way. He wanted to convince himself that it would be okay to tell the Ducks, he didn't know if he could keep up the brave face any longer. It was physically and emotionally draining him.

Everyday he had to tell Charlie that he was okay. Granted, Charlie never believed him, but it didn't stop him from lying. At least the rest of the world bought it. Almost a little too well.

Truth was, Adam kinda wanted to let it out. He highly doubted that he would, but it was a thought he was bouncing around more and more. Charlie's pushing started to really get to him.

Adam currently sat on a park bench by the Duck pond, watching a few kids skate. They couldn't have been older than ten. He smiled at their wobbly balance and wild puck handling and couldn't help but be taken back to his pee wee days. Although he wasn't a Duck at the time, he often practiced skating at this very pond. Usually by himself.

Adam unzipped his backpack and pulled out his sketchbook and attempted to draw the kids on the ice. Definitely not an easy task since they were moving all over the place. He heard one of them accuse the other of cheating and pretty soon they were dog piled on top of each other. Adam chuckled as the thier puck skidded off the ice and right by his feet. They were too distracted to notice so Adam put his book down and picked up the lost puck and made his way onto the ice to return it. Thanks to his years of hockey, he could walk on the ice in shoes almost just as well as he could with skates.

"Hey. Hey! You guys lost this." Adam said tossing the puck down.

Both boys looked up and attempted to make it back to their feet before they both slipped and fell. Adam held back a laugh and instead helped them both up. One of the boys looked down shyly and the other looked directly at Adam.

"Thanks. We're practicing, but somebody cheated." One boy said to the other. The shy boy looked up and shoved his friend in the arm.

"I did not! Shut up, Danny!"

"You did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"How do you even cheat at hockey?" Adam broke in, stopping the argument. The one who he presumed as Danny thought for a minute and then shrugged.

"Well I don't know, but I swear he did!"

"Did not!"

"Okay, is it possible that you guys just need help with handling the puck?" Adam questioned.

"Well duh, that's what we're trying to do. But it's harder without coach here." Danny replied.

"Yeah, he doesn't even work with us too much on it." The shy one said.

"Well I could help you guys." Adam offered.

"Do you play hockey?" Danny asked.

"I do. You guys ever hear of the Mighty Ducks? From Minnesota?"

Both of them nodded excitedly.

"Of course! They're like the best team ever!" The shy one piped up.

"Yeah! The won the Junior Goodwill Games!" Danny added.

Adam smiled proudly.

"Well, I've been playing for them since I was your age."

Both boys dropped their jaws.

"No way!"

Adam laughed.

"It's true. And if you want, I can show you guys how to properly handle the puck."

"Yes please! I'm Danny by the way, and this is Ben." Danny said offering his hand.

"I'm Adam. Nice to meet you guys."

Both boys skated around anxiously, waiting for Adam's instruction. Adam grabbed the puck again, imitating Coach Orion. He tried to think back to his pee wee career, post Hawk of course. He tried to remember stuff Coach Bombay had said. Adam never thought of himself as a coach, but at this age it couldn't be too hard.

"Okay, so how you do guys think you shoot the puck?"

"As hard as you can?" Ben guessed.

"No, the opposite actually. You don't want to shoot it too hard to your teammate cause you could easily lose control. Softly sail it to them, works every time."

"But that doesn't make sense." Danny said.

"Try it." Adam said dropping the puck.

The boys looked at each other and shrugged before skating away from each other. Danny had the puck and awkwardly but softly shot it to Ben. It wasn't perfect but it was much smoother than last time.

"Hey, it works! Cool!" Danny chirped.

"Yeah! What else do you know?" Ben asked.

"Well, how much time you got?"

None of them could tell you how much time passed as Adam coached the boys on shooting, defense, and stopping. Even helped them skate much smoother than before. Adam forgot how basic hockey could be when you weren't playing your heart out. It was honestly kinda refreshing. Definitely a nice change of pace since his last fiasco.

Ben and Danny seemed to really enjoy it. Even asked for his autograph at one point. Which Adam though was a bit odd, but he complied. He wouldn't admit that he was flattered. Before they knew it, Danny's mom had come by and thanked Adam for his help with the boys before taking them home. But not before each of them thanked him again and again. Adam smiled and waved as they left the Duck pond. He let out a satisfied huff before gathering his backpack and sketchbook before heading off to find a place to warm up.

…..

Trips to Mickey's dining car had become a regular thing for him, usually with Charlie tagging along as well. There was something about the place that was just very welcoming. He picked the wrong time of day to come, though. It looked like about every senior citizen had come for an early dinner. Still, he managed to find a spot on the counter.

"Hi there, Adam! How've you been?"

Adam looked up and smiled when he saw the friendly familiar face of Casey Conway.

"Hi, I'm doing fine, thank you. Busy here today, huh?"

Casey groaned.

"Tell me about it. Saturdays are always the busiest. So naturally, they schedule me almost every weekend." Casey said shaking her head. Adam laughed.

"Charlie not with you?"

"No, felt like being alone today."

"Oh gotcha. So what can I get for you?"

"Just a hot chocolate is fine. Thanks."

"Right away." Casey said turning around to retrieve it.

Adam pulled his sketchbook out once again to try to finish his earlier drawing from memory. A lot harder to do this way but he was determined to get something down. His therapist told him to use drawing as an everyday activity for pleasure and a coping skill. Even if it wasn't perfect. Something was better than nothing.

Casey soon returned with his hot chocolate and let out a sympathetic sigh.

"I'm sorry about the last game." She said. Adam looked down.

"Yeah, that was embarrassing. I really screwed up."

"Oh don't worry too much about it. Everyone has their off days."

Adam nodded.

"Yeah I suppose."

"I'm serious. Don't be so hard on yourself. Show yourself a little kindness." Casey said with a wink before walking off.

Adam cracked a small smile. He always knew he liked Casey. If only the rest of the Ducks could have that same outlook on the subject.

….

Adam had returned to the dorms, just about twenty minutes before they starting serving dinner. Charlie was nowhere to be found, so he figured he had gone down a bit early. Adam didn't make a huge deal of it and instead just put his stuff away and was about to go down himself when a piece of paper on his bed caught his attention.

 _Adam,_

 _Meet me in the locker room at 4:30._

 _Charlie_

Adam looked at his watch, it was 4:45. He figured he'd go and check it out, but there was something inside him that told him it wouldn't end well.

He made his way down to the locker room and stopped just before entering. Something was up. He could tell from the moment he read that note. Could he just back out? No one would even see him. He didn't even know why Charlie wanted him down here. Adam turned to leave and was stopped again as Charlie came up to him, stopping him in his tracks.

"Adam, there you are. Did you get my note?"

"Uh, yeah I did. But what's this about?"

Charlie swallowed.

"Just come with me." He replied, taking his hand and leading him into the locker room. Adam's heart stopped and his eyes grew twice their size when he came face to face with his entire hockey team. He turned to run but Charlie kept his firm grip.

Charlie lead him to the front of the locker room as Adam was being stared down by all the Ducks. He wanted to scream.

"Charlie, what's going on?" Adam asked trying to sound casual.

"Adam we just want to talk."

"All of you? All of you want to talk?" He replied, slightly angier.

"Yes, Adam. We do."

"For the record, Adam, we have no idea why we're all here." Guy said.

The rest of the team nodded and Adam threw his arms up.

"Then why are we here? Listen I don't have time for this." Adam said, as he started to walk away before Julie shot up from her seat. Adam wasn't sure, but he could've swore it looked like she had been crying.

"Adam, please. Stay."

Adam didn't reply and instead walked back and stood next to Charlie. Charlie sighed before filling the silence.

"Adam, its true. A lot of them don't know why they're here. But three of us do. And we think this talk has to happen now."

Adam scoffed.

"What is this? An intervention?"

"Yes." Charlie said firmly.

Adam looked at the seriousness in his eyes and could tell something was clearly wrong. Adam turned his head when Julie cleared her throat and froze with his mouth agape. She held in her hands his metal box with the razors. Adam's hand went directly to his back pocket and he didn't feel the box. How could he have not noticed? When did he lose them? How did she get them?! Adam held his breath and bit his cheek to keep in the cries.

"Adam, when you left the cafeteria this morning, this fell out of your pocket. I was going to give it back to you but then I saw what was inside. I told Charlie and he brought everyone here."

Adam snapped his head back in Charlie's direction in rage. His expression softened for only a moment when he saw the hurt plastered on Charlie's face, but that quickly turned back into hostility.

"Charlie you did this?! You did this after I asked you a million times not to?! Charlie how could you?!"

"Adam this has gone on way too long! It's time they all knew!" Charlie fought back.

"You had no right to bring them here! It's none of your business!"

"Yes it is! Adam, you told me you stopped!"

"Well I didn't, Charlie! There, are you happy?!" Adam shouted.

"Wait wait, what's going on? Julie what's in the box?" Connie asked reaching her hand out to Julie. Julie quickly handed them over to her before Adam could stop her and Connie opened the box. Her face fell and she looked up at Adam in shock and concern.

"Oh, Adam."

"What is it? What's in the box?" Guy asked.

Adam shook his head, pleaded Connie with his eyes not to tell him. Instead she turned to her childhood boyfriend and answered his question.

"Razors."

"Razors?"

"Adam why do you have razors?" Dwayne asked.

The Ducks were all staring him down and Adam could feel his heart pounding so hard he thought it was going to beat out of his chest. His face felt like an oven and his throat was closing up and itching to let out a distressed cry. Adam turned back to his best friend before walking to the nearest locker and punching it as hard as he could. His hand exploded with pain and his scream sent the whole team into shock. Charlie ran over to him to try and console him but Adam shoved him away before vigorously rubbing his face and turning back to his clueless teammates.

"Do you want to know? Huh? Do you want to fucking know?! I'm a cutter! And I'm depressed and I have been for years! I've been self harming for two years! And no, Charlie, I haven't stopped! But you would never guess that because you were all so fucking angry that I blew the stupid game! Well, I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry I froze. I'm sorry I didn't take the shot. But you know what? I have to deal with this bullshit everyday and keep it all to myself because otherwise you would all think I'm a freak! Like you probably do now! So there! Are you happy, Charlie? I fucking told them!" Adam roared before panting so hard and bursting into a river of tears.

He buried his face in his hands and heaved and screamed like it was his last day on earth. He looked up from his hands, still crying, at the shocked faces of his team. Charlie looked at him, scared for his life. Julie had a few tears running down her cheeks, and even Averman was at a loss for words. Fulton slowly stood up and approached Adam as if he were wounded animal. Charlie did the same and Adam slowly backed up.

"I-I-I-" He croaked before Charlie threw his arms around him and Adam grabbed onto him like life line. He sobbed into the taller boys shoulder, too afraid to look up. Charlie pulled away with mist and shame in his eyes.

"Adam I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you." Was all he could muster to say as he watched his best friend crumbled before him.

"Adam."

Adam slowly rose his head and turned toward his name and was more than ever surprised to find out it came from Portman. Portman took a few steps forward but not many, making sure he gave Adam enough room.

"Adam I'm so sorry. I really had no idea. None of us did."

"Yeah, Adam. Forget about the game, it doesn't even matter." Russ said.

Adam rubbed his eyes and tried to find his breathing but he couldn't stop panting and shaking.

"I-I c-can't breathe." He cried.

"Here sit down. Guys move." Charlie instructed. Guy, Connie, and Luis all stood up to give Adam and Charlie enough room on the bench. Adam sat down still panting as Charlie rubbed his back.

"Adam, Adam, calm down. You're okay, you're okay."

"No Charlie, it's not okay! They all know and they think I'm a freak!"

"Adam nobody here thinks that. Come on, in through your nose, out through your mouth."

Adam took a few shaky breathes and soon came around to breathing normally. Or at least not as hard as before. His face had turned into a hot shade of red and his cheeks and nose were soaked with tears and snot. Julie cautiously stood up and handed Adam a tissue. Adam gratefully took it and wiped his eyes and blew his nose before looking up.

"Well, I guess you know now. You're favorite cake eater is mentally fucked up."

"Adam that's not true!" Julie cried. "Nobody here thinks that! When I found your razors, I was just worried. But I don't think your a freak, none of us do."

Adam looked at Julie's soft face and tried to nod even though he didn't believe her. Sure she says that, but who wouldn't think you were a freak if you just screamed at the whole hockey team that you were a cutter?

"Adam, I promise you. Nobody here thinks any differently of you." Connie spoke up.

"Yeah, man." Ken said.

Adam kept his eyes down, way too ashamed to look up. He heard someone walk over towards him and he soon saw a pair of combat boots in front of his converse and he knew right away that it was Fulton. He reluctantly looked up.

"Adam, do you really think anyone here thinks of you that way? You really think that we think that little of you?"

Adam stared forward, his face and features numb.

"I mean, isn't it true?"

"No! Not at all! Guys does anyone think that?" Fulton asked, only to be responded by a series of no's.

Adam looked back down and Charlie spoke up.

"Adam, I'm sorry I pushed you but you did the right thing. We can help you."

"How can you help me?"

"We can be there for you now. Right guys?"

Everyone nodded with a yes and Adam gave a tiny nod.

"Well, um, thanks. I guess. This is just hard."

"I bet it is. Adam I can't believe you go through this." Guy said.

"Yeah Adam. You really hid it well. I would have never guessed in million years." Averman said.

Adam finally looked up and faced all of his concerned teammates. Fulton was right. They were truly concerned. Not disgusted or creeped out. They were concerned. Adam almost didn't know what to make of this. He had mapped out the reaction in his head and the one he was receiving was nothing close to the one he dreamed of. And he had to admit, he was grateful for it.

Sitting in this locker room in an unfriendly prep school with his best friend right by him, he understood that he truly did have more than Charlie to lean on. The small smiles on the faces of the Ducks told Adam just that.

Adam wiped his eyes one more time before speaking again, his throat raw and sore.

"You guys mean that?"

"One hundred percent." Portman replied with a smile.

Adam nodded and attempted to smiled back but couldn't move the muscles. He looked back up at Charlie who still looked concerned but also glad his friend had finally calmed down. Adam looked around one more time.

"So um, what now?" He asked, shrugging.

"Why did you start?" Averman asked, only to be slapped by Julie. Adam couldn't bring himself to laugh.

"I don't want to talk about that."

"And you don't have to. Averman, what's wrong with you?" Charlie spat.

"Sorry Adam, that was stupid."

The team sat in silence for awhile until Adam finally got his breathing under control. Once he complete calmed down, Charlie unwrapped his arms from around his back and made Adam look at him in eye.

"What can we do for you right now?"

"I don't know. I really don't. I don't know how to stop this. I just feel powerless." He answered honestly. "I guess that's why I kept the blades for a bit of security. I just felt better with them there."

"Well, you shouldn't keep them." Charlie said.

"But I don't feel safe without them."

"That's why we're all here." Connie said, with a smile.

Adam finally mustered up enough to smile back and then looked back down. His hands started to shake slightly before Chalire grabbed them.

"Adam. Please throw them away. I'm saying this on behalf of all the Ducks. We all just want you to be okay."

Adam couldn't respond, luckily he didn't have to.

"I got an idea." Portman said stepping forward and taking the box that Connie still held in her hands.

"What?" Adam asked timidly.

Portman smirked.

"We're flushing them down the toilet."

"What?"

"Yeah!" Charlie agreed. "Adam come on, please? For us? For you?"

Adam thought and pondered for a moment before gently taking the box from Portman. He slowly opened it and took out the two hidden razors and stood up.

"Let's do it."

The whole team roared with cheer, which Adam did not expect. But for the first time since he entered that locker room, he had a genuine smile. Adam walked toward the bathroom stalls, the team on his trail. He went inside the first stall and held out the razors. He looked behind him, and Charlie and Portman gave him a small nod. Adam nodded back and dropped the objects into their rightful place, before flushing them away.

The team cheered again and Portman clapped him on the back. Adam made his way out of the stall was bombarded by approval and support. Julie threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. He blushed and she smiled.

"You did the right thing." Fulton said.

"Yeah Adam, I'm so glad you did that." Julie said.

"And you can come to any of us anytime you need it." Portman added.

Adam beamed and looked at his friends. Not just teammates.

"Thank you guys. Seriously. Thank you."

The Ducks smiled before once again Portman broke the silence.

"Alright! Let's take this to the cafeteria! I'm starving!"

"I second that!" Followed Goldberg.

The rest of the team agreed as they all made their way out of the crowded locker room and toward the cafeteria for a late dinner. Charlie and Adam following in the back, Charlie was about to reach for the door but Adam stopped him with one more bone crushing hug. Charlie returned the gesture with the same enthusiasm.

"Thank you, Charlie."

"Of course."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**

 **Oh my gosh, it's been a minute! So sorry for not updating, writer's block kinda hit me like a truck. But thank you for being patient, I do intend to keep this story going. I've got a lot of plans in the works. I do think I should warn you that I intend to take a slightly darker turn. I really want to explore more on Adam's mental health history. So just proceed with caution. This chapter is kind of a filler, so it's not my best. But hopefully I'll get inspired and start producing more content. Thank you to all who have read and left reviews, it really helps and I deeply appreciate it. Enjoy this chapter and I don't own the Mighty Ducks.**

As Adam once again found himself waiting to see his therapist, he was surprised to not feel overcome with dread. He actually felt good. Excited even. It had only been a few days since he spilled the secret to the Ducks, but there was a dramatic difference in their behavior. And not in a bad way either.

First of all, they were way easier on him for losing the Patriots game, something Adam still felt bad about. The Ducks however, told him to drop it all together, so that took some of the pressure off. He still wanted to gear up for the next game as much as he could, even though he probably wouldn't be playing as much. He still hadn't told Coach Orion. He wasn't sure if there was even a need to do so. The rest of the team knowing seemed like more than enough.

If anything, it was like everyone turned into Charlie, in terms of asking him how he was doing. He got that question about a dozen times a day. He did have to admit though, it was a lot better than holding his breath constantly.

What really got Adam surprised was the compassion that came from his team. Compassion that he couldn't picture coming from certain individuals, (mainly Portman) but nevertheless, he was given it. He had no idea the Ducks could be so, warming. Considering the stunts with varsity, he didn't think it was possible for them to be that kind to him.

He still trusted Charlie the most out of all of them, that was to be expected. And he still had a hint of shame about the whole confession in general, but he was hoping he could work through that in this session.

Adam glanced at his dad who was buried in another magazine. Adam slightly shook his head. That was whole other situation to work on. He wasn't sure if a lifetime of therapy could fix him and his father.

His dad seemed weirdly distant lately. He still always tried to get him to talk after sessions, but he seemed more and more bitter about it. Adam could sense he was frustrated with him but he still didn't know how to let him in.

"Hi Adam, come on back." John said, ushering him to his office.

Adam offered a shy smile and stood up before making quick eye contact with his dad, who gave him a slight nod. Adam followed John and plopped down on the couch as John did the same in his respected chair. He grabbed his clipboard and pen before he began.

"How've you been, Adam?"

"Well, kinda up and down. But I think things turned out okay."

"How so?"

"Well, I told the Ducks. I actually told them."

John looked up slightly surprised but more so approvingly. He gave a small smile and scribbled something down.

"Tell me about that."

"Well, it wasn't initially my idea. Charlie actually rounded everyone up and waited for me to come. Once we were all in the same room, that's when I spilled my guts."

"Was it hard to do that?"

"Very. I thought I would never spot crying. Charlie was there and helped me calm down so that helped. They were all surprisingly very supportive."

"So why did Charlie gather them all up in the first place?" John questioned. Adam tried to look away but found himself being drawn back to John's direction.

"Well, Julie, our goalie, found my razor blades. They must have fallen out of my pocket. She told Charlie about it and that's why he brought everyone together. At first I was petrified. I wanted to just runaway. But it honestly felt kinda good to let it all out. We actually flushed the blades down the toilet after I told them." Adam said smiling.

"Oh, wow. That must have felt good. What was going through your head when you did that?"

"It felt like I was letting go of something. And I had support the whole time I was doing it. They actually cheered for me."

"Well it must have been liberating for them to watch you do that. So, you told the Ducks. Do you feel any regret towards that?"

"I don't think I do. I still feel embarrassed but I think it turned out a lot better than I thought it would."

Adam could say that truthfully. He had felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He didn't have to hide anymore.

"I have to say, Adam, you've really made a huge step by doing that. This has got to be the happiest I've seen you in weeks."

Adam smiled shyly.

"I think you're right, I actually feel really good."

John smiled back and took a few more notes before turning his attention back to Adam. He let out a content sigh.

"I'm really glad to hear that Adam, because there's a subject that we've only briefly touched on that I want us to come back to."

Adam looked up worriedly.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"I want us to talk about why you started cutting."

Adam froze. He had avoided this topic at all costs. He wanted nothing more than to drop it all together but he knew John wouldn't let it go once it was brought up.

"I really don't want to talk about that."

"But you know that we have to. It's the only way to make even more progress."

"I just don't see why I should. I mean, isn't it bad to be digging up the past like that?" Adam argued.

John shook his head.

"It's not like that. By looking at the root cause of it, we could look toward a solution to the problem."

"I don't know why I started." Adam rushed out. John raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think that's true."

He wasn't wrong. Adam knew why. Infact, he could pinpoint the exact moment he started. However, there was no way he was going to talk about that.

"Can we please talk about it another time?" Adam begged. John sighed and put down his pen.

"Listen, we are going to come back to that. But since you made some major progress on your own, I'll let it slide this week."

Adam let out a breath of relief and leaned back, knowing he was free for another week.

….

Adam quietly crept his way into his english class, just as he did every Wednesday. He held his breath as a few heads turned around but quickly turned forward again. He sat down and turned to do a quick scan of the room for any wandering eyes. Fulton looked up from his paper and gave him a warm smile before looking back down again. Adam did the same and kept his gaze forward. No questioning, no awkward glances from his teammates. He was free from the secret burden. He smiled as he pulled out his notebook and started copying the chalkboard.

English ended and Adam felt tap on his shoulder, knowing it was Charlie.

"Hey man, how'd it go?"

"It was fine. I miss anything important?"

"Nothing except a long and boring lecture." Charlie said rolling his eyes.

Adam nodded and stood up, following Charlie out of the classroom.

"You ready for hockey practice today? Orion said he knows more about the next team we're playing."

Adam nodded in response.

"Yeah, I guess so. I gotta go, but I'll see you at lunch." Adam said before scurrying off to his dreaded history class. Varsity hadn't left him alone since the game. It wasn't as unbearable as it could be, but it still was a pain in the neck. Riley took every opportunity he could to get dirt on him.

He must have lucked out this time though. Varsity didn't look twice at him, so he took the opportunity to put his head down and wait out the hour.

….

After his history class bell rang, Adam quickly grabbed his stuff and dashed out of the room before varsity had a chance to pick at him. With his sketchbook tucked firmly under his arm, he made his way towards the cafeteria. Making his way through the busy lunch line, he walked over to the Ducks table and took his regular seat next to Charlie.

"Hey Adam, mind if I sit?" Julie asked from behind him.

"Uh, sure."

Julie sat down and turned to him and smiled.

"You doing alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Just wanted to check. You hear anything about the game friday?" She asked, changing the subject.

"No I haven't. I think Charlie is the one who'd know anything."

"All I know is that they are about as bad as the last guys we played." Charlie jumped in.

"Well that's just great." Adam grumbled.

"Hey, I'm sure it will be a lot different then the last game. You'll do just fine." Julie said to try and cheer him up.

"Yeah, let's hope so." Adam sighed.

…..

Adam waited out the day, anxious to get to hockey practice. Hockey had become much more enjoyable now. He was still on third line, but at least he wasn't the most hated player anymore. As the last bell rang, Adam dashed out of his class and right to the locker room, not bothering to put his stuff away. He wanted to be the first one there.

Upon arriving, he quickly changed into his pads and wasted no time in getting out on the ice. He left his stick on the bench and made his way onto the rink and began to skate. Shifting his weight from side to side, he found himself relaxing as he glided on the ice.

His mind wandered and he soon found himself thinking of the session he had just had, bringing upon a sense of insecurity. Thinking about his history was never a fun trip down memory lane, but he knew John wouldn't be letting it go anytime soon.

He didn't want to as so much think about the start of his self harm. If anything, he wished he could erase it altogether. Even if he had the Ducks now, he still felt ashamed of the practice. They could never fully understand even if they tried. Hell, he didn't understand it entirely.

Adam turned his head and saw a few other Ducks exit the locker room and he skated toward the bench to join them. He was greeted warmly by Guy, Fulton, and Portman.

"Hey Adam, first one here?" Guy asked.

"Yeah, figured I'd come and skate and warm up a bit before practice."

"I don't blame you, Coach Orion has really been laying on the drills. I'm still sore from Monday."

"It's probably because of the game Friday. According to Charlie, they're about as bad as the Patriots."

"Shit, are you serious?" Portman asked.

"Yeah, I still don't know too much about it though." Adam replied.

The four boys shook their heads and all took off on the ice.

"Hey, about two on two? Me and Portman against you two?" Fulton offered.

"Well that's not fair, we're going against the Bash brothers!" Guy argued.

"You could use the enforcement, besides there's nothing else to do."

"I'm game." Said Adam.

"Alright! Let's do this!" Yelled Portman as he chest bumped Fulton.

Guy threw a puck to the ground and soon the four of them were attacking it like a pack of wolves. Portman stole it, knocking Guy down in the process. Shoving himself through the small flock of Ducks, he scored on the opposing goal and whooped with pride. Adam rolled his eyes retrieving the puck and skating away to the other end of the rink.

Fulton attached himself to Adam's side and checked him into the boards, knocking Adam hard in the head. Going down, he tried to get up and but he felt too light headed.

"Crap, sorry Adam. Are you okay?" Fulton asked, pulling him up.

With swaying balance, Adam brought himself to his feet and opened his mouth to respond before he was cut off.

"Hey! Knock that off! We've got practice." Came the thundering voice of Orion.

They all immediately stopped what they were doing and were joined by the rest of their team before any of them could address Adam. Not that he minded. Orion skated to over to them, clearly in a bad mood.

"Now I want a clean, focused practice. No funny business. Incase you haven't heard, we got word on the team we're playing this Friday. I'll go over that when we're finished. Any questions?" Orion barked. The team shook their heads.

"Okay then, sprints."

Over the course of practice, Orion still had the Ducks doing drills like no tomorrow. They couldn't remember a time where they were working this hard. Orion wasn't ready to let another game go. After working them to a sweat, he had them take a knee.

"Alright, it looks like we've got our heads back on. We're playing The Cougars this upcoming Friday. They are in the same league as the Patriots were so we're gonna have to stay focused while we're out there. These guys are good. They've won the state championship twice. We're going to be pulling out all the stops this game. Conway, you're the starter."

"What about Adam?" Charlie asked.

Orion narrowed his eyes.

"What about Adam?"

"He's usually the starter. And plus he's been-"

Adam whacked Charlie in the shin with his stick before he could finish. Orion gave Adam a questioning look before shaking his head.

"I don't know what's going on, but I don't want any distractions from this game. Conway you're the starter. End of discussion. Go shower, we'll see you tomorrow."

The Ducks got up and Charlie kept Adam behind before going to the locker room.

"Adam, what's wrong with you? Haven't you told Orion?"

"No Charlie, I haven't, and I want to keep it that way if you don't mind."

"Well, you already told the Ducks, it's not gonna make a huge difference. And plus, he might take you off third line if he understood what you're going through."

"Don't you get it? That's exactly what I don't want to happen. I don't want to be given special treatment because of this. Sure it sucks being on third line but maybe I could use the break. Now, keep your mouth shut." Adam scolded. Charlie groaned.

"Fine. But I don't see the big deal in it." He said skating off, Adam following close behind.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello! Sorry for the slight wait, I'm still drumming up ideas. Now this chapter could be slightly triggering to some so please don't read if you're sensitive to that kind of thing. I hope you all enjoy and I don't own the Mighty Ducks.**

 _"Why didn't you tell anyone about your wrist? Do you even realize how badly that could have ended? You could have done permanent damage!" Philip Banks scolded, pacing back and forth._

 _Adam sat, disappointed in himself, on the couch wishing he could leave. It didn't seem to matter that the Ducks took victory over Iceland, or that Adam played his heart out during the last game. Bombay of course told his dad about his injury, which was now biting him in the ass. The second Adam got home, his dad sat him down in the living room and began to lecture him on his previous actions._

 _"I just wanted to play." Adam said quietly, not bothering to add that he wanted to make his father proud. It wouldn't make a difference now anyway._

 _"I don't care, you could have jeopardized your whole hockey career with that stunt! You're damn lucky that Bombay caught it in time."_

 _Adam had his hands folded in his lap, too anxious to look up. There was no reasoning with his dad. He knew that. But he wished he'd at least hear him out._

 _"What have you got to say for yourself?"_

 _Adam looked up and his fathers stern, yet disappointed stare. At a loss for words, he just shook his head. His dad sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose._

 _"Just go to bed, we'll discuss this later."_

 _Adam bolted off the couch and hurriedly made his way up to his bedroom. Slamming the door behind him, he pounced on top of his bed and buried his face into his pillow. He silently let his tears fall, careful to keep his sobs inside. He couldn't risk his dad hearing. Flipping over so he was now on his back, he stared up at the ceiling and felt his tears run down the side of his head. He grabbed his wrist, it suddenly felt sore again._

 _He got up to search his bag for some bandages, but instead looked at his wrist in disgust. He angrily started punching his pillow, not caring how much it hurt. What did it matter? After all the sacrifice he made for his dad to stay in the tournament, he didn't care. He kept his wrist a secret for his dad. All he wanted was for him to be proud of him._

 _Adam stopped hitting his pillow, afraid he was making too much noise. Panting, he got up and crept his way to the bathroom. Closing the door behind him, he ran some warm water from the sink and splashed his face. Taking a few deep breaths, his hands gripped the sink as he stared at the running faucet. He washed his face once more before his gaze wandered to his father's razor sitting on the edge of the sink._

 _Adam stared at the object, his head swimming. He had heard of other people doing it, they had a course on it in school. But he never thought of himself as someone who would do it. He didn't know where this came from, but he didn't care. He just didn't want this pain anymore. Breaking it apart, he threw away the discarded pieces and brought the blades back to his room._

 _Making sure the door was locked, he rolled up his right sleeve. The wrist that caused him to be in this mess in the first place. It almost felt to be mocking him. With one last attempt to stop himself and think, he angrily took the blade to his pale arm. He let out a small cry at the first cut, but quickly adjusted to the feeling as the began to slice his arm multiple times._

 _He dropped the now bloody razor onto his clean hardwood floor and looked at his arm in awe, trying to process what he'd just done. Why did it feel good? Why does he feel better? What does this mean? He didn't know._

 _He quickly got back up and scavenged for a towel before his cuts dripped to the floor. Pressing the now ruined white towel to his wrist, he cringed at the sting of it, but also found himself smiling a bit. He couldn't explain why this felt good, but it did. And he wanted more._

 _Shoving the towel under his bed, he wrapped up his arm in the bandages and pulled his sleeve back down. He sat on his bed in a daze and kept his focus on his arm. He still couldn't believe what he'd just done. But he found the missing piece to end his suffering. Putting the blades in his bedside drawer, he turned off the lights and got under the covers, unable to get the thought out of his head._

 _The next night, the team was having a bonfire. Adam still attempted to enjoy himself even though he couldn't put the thought of the previous night out of his head. He laughed as Goldberg lit a marshmallow on fire and sang 'We are the champions', but he still felt that emptiness. After they packed away the remains of the bonfire, Adam was pulled aside by Coach Bombay._

 _"Hey Adam, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Did everything go over well with your dad?"_

 _"Yeah, everything was fine." He lied, tugging his sleeve down for security._

 _"Good, I hope you understand why I told him about your wrist."_

 _"Yeah, I do."_

 _"Is it feeling any better? I noticed you were rubbing it a little bit."_

 _Adam's face flushed, and he quickly nodded._

 _"Okay, just make sure you tell your dad if it gets worse."_

 _"I will, thanks coach." Adam said sadly, which Gordon clearly picked up on._

 _"You sure you're okay?"_

 _"Yeah, I'm fine." The biggest lie he could tell._

 _"Okay, come on, you can ride with me." Gordon said, ushering him toward his car._

….

Adam's rumination came to a sudden halt once Charlie entered their dorm. He sat up straight and forced a smile. Charlie looked at him puzzled.

"You okay there, Banksy?"

"Yeah, man. Whats up?"

"Nothing, you sure you're good?"

"Charlie." Adam said sternly, silently telling him to drop it. Charlie put his hands up in defence.

"Okay, just checking. You ready for tomorrow?"

Adam sighed. The big game. He wanted to play, but his stomach did flips when he so much as thought about it. The Cougars were ruthless, and known for playing a bit dirty too. Plus, knowing his luck, varsity had front row tickets in hopes for another screw up.

"I guess so." He finally answered.

Charlie took a few strides forward and took a seat next to Adam on his bed.

"You're gonna do great."

"Right, if I even get to play." He said rolling his eyes.

"You will, Orion can't keep his best player on third line for long."

Adam blushed.

"I'm not the best player."

"Oh, don't even give me that. You are by a longshot. Don't try to hide your talent." Charlie said.

Adam smiled. He didn't like thinking of himself as superior to his teammates. The thought never crossed his mind. He did have to admit that he did like getting recognized. He had trained for years after all, it was nice to think that it paid off.

"Well, thanks. But he's still pissed about the Patriots."

"Then when you do play, make it count. Show him you don't belong on third line."

Adam smiled and nodded. He was really hoping he could.

….

"Welcome Eden Hall, to the showdown between our Eden Hall Mighty Ducks and the Memorial Cougars. We've got a match today. Coach Orion is determined to not let this game slide under the radar, and by a surprising turn of events, it looks like Adam Banks won't be the starter this game. It looks like Coach Orion is making a statement." The announcer said.

The Ducks were all gathered on the bench, waiting for further word from Coach Orion. He seemed to have his mind on other things as he intently watched the Cougars warm up. He ran a hand down his face and turned to his team.

"Alright, as you can see, the Cougars are gonna bring out all the stops. But so are we. You all know what you have to do. Just do it as hard as you can. If we win this game, we advance to state. This is our last chance, so lets make it count."

The team nodded and gathered in a circle to do their chant. Immediately after, the first set of players took their place on the ice. Adam stayed behind, feeling weird that he wasn't out there. He usually always was.

The Ducks took their positions and Charlie came face to face with the captain from the Cougars, who looked about twice his size. The puck dropped and the captain wasted no time in shoving Charlie aside and stealing the puck. Adam was tempted to get up and shout but he figured it'd be best he stayed down. He wanted to get at least a few minutes on the ice.

The puck volleyed back and forth and was saved by Julie at least twice before the Cougars finally scored. Adam couldn't help but cringe as the puck went directly under her glove. Orion barked for a line change and Charlie joined him on the bench.

"You okay, man?" Adam asked.

Charlie nodded, taking a swig of water.

"They're good. Really good. I could barely follow the puck." He panted.

They were good alright. They made the Patriots look like they were back in pee wee's. It was coming to the end of the first period and they had the lead by three goals. The Ducks defense was all they could rely on at this point. Adam had been on the bench the whole time. He didn't know what Orion was trying to prove, but he made his point.

Adam could play. He knew he could. He was gripping his stick with such force he was surprised he hadn't snapped it in half. He couldn't bear to watch the Ducks struggle anymore. The enforcers were about as big as Portman, and definitely meaner. They were ruthless with checking people but they didn't seem to be getting nearly enough penalties. Adam knew there were a few tripping incidents that went unaccounted for.

Nobody could score and they were barely hanging on. Guy and Charlie were doing all their best efforts but they were just no match. Orion had worked them to their breaking point. Adam could tell Charlie was running on empty.

He kept his eyes glued to the puck and his heart raced as Charlie got a hold of it.

"Come on, come on." He whispered to himself as Charlie dashed past the opposing players.

The captain of course was not going to let him go that easily. He attached himself to Charlie's side and kept nudging him until he checked him hard into the boards. Adam shot up from his seat, his eyes wide. Even from the bench, he knew he heard a yelp from Charlie. His head directly hit the boards and he went down.

"Charlie!" He yelled at the same time Orion started yelling at the ref.

"Oh boy look at this, Conway has been checked hard into the boards and does not appear to be getting up."

The refs blew the whistle and the game came to a halt. Both Orion and Adam got up from their spots and made their way out onto the ice. Adam pushed himself past his other team members and knelt down beside Charlie, who had his eyes halfway open.

"Charlie, Charlie are you alright?" Adam asked, concern all over his voice.

"My… my head." Charlie said, attempting to sit up but was forced back down.

"Take it easy, Conway. You could have a concussion." Orion said from behind Adam.

Charlie tried to nod.

"Can you stand up?" Adam asked.

"Maybe… give me a hand." Charlie asked, grabbing Adam's offered hand.

Slowly pulling him up to his feet, Adam gently lead him back to the bench where a medic waited to examine him. Charlie gently took a seat and Adam helped him remove his helmet. Orion ordered him to stand back as the medic checked him out but Adam couldn't help but stay directly beside him.

"I'm fine… really. I-I-" Charlie stuttered as the medic shined a flashlight in his eyes.

"Take it easy, Charlie. You took a bad check." Adam said, rubbing his shoulder.

"I-I can still play."

"Not on my watch, Conway." Orion said. Charlie just put his head down.

"Adam." He mumbled, not looking up.

"Yeah?"

"Go kick some ass."

Adam let out a half smile and turned to Orion who had the same expression. He looked at Adam and nodded.

"Get out there, Banks."

Adam nodded and gave Charlie a light pat on the shoulder before shoving on his helmet and taking off on the ice. The captain thankfully got a penalty for the shot but Adam was still pissed. Taking his place where Charlie left off, another Cougar sneered at him as they put their sticks on the ice.

"Too bad about your captain. If you can even call him that." The Cougar mocked.

"Save it." Adam growled, never breaking eye contact.

The ref dropped the puck once again and Adam lunged for it, knocking over his opponent in the process. Skating as hard as he could and dodging other players left and right, he made his way to the Cougars goal, the other Ducks trying to keep up. Skating behind the goal, he was able to put the puck in before he was checked like Charlie. The crowd shrieked and the Ducks on the ice swarmed Adam.

"Look at this! Adam Banks is back on the ice for two minutes and already scores the first goal for the Ducks. He is out for blood, looks like Coach Orion is regretting his choice to bench him."

Adam smiled with pride and looked back at the bench to see a grinning Charlie and a satisfied Orion. He nodded at them both before taking his proper place once more.

Although Charlie didn't have a concussion, Orion made him sit out the second period. Which Adam was grateful for, knowing how stubborn Charlie could be. During the second period, Adam really racked up their offence. They were now tied 3-3, Guy scoring one goal while Adam scored another.

As the third period came to a close, the Ducks were still holding off but Adam wanted the win. With under five minutes left, Guy and Adam had the puck in the Cougars zone. Once Adam got close to the goal he was knocked down and the puck was taken back.

"Dammit." He cursed, quickly picking himself back up, taking off as fast as he could.

"Line change!" Orion ordered.

Adam groaned and made his way back to the bench, still on his toes waiting to be called back. He took a seat next to Charlie, who still looked woozy from earlier.

"You alright?" Adam asked and Charlie smiled.

"You've asked me that everytime you've come back to the bench and I keep telling you the same thing. I'm fine, Adam. And I could play if I wanted to."

Adam rolled his eyes.

"Yeah right, you could barely stand."

Charlie scoffed and they both turned their attention back to the game. Nobody had scored but the Cougars were attacking them with everything they got.

"Shit, that's gonna hurt." Charlie commented as Averman got knocked down.

Adam nodded in agreement and anxiously watched the clock. They had just about two minutes left and he was dying to get back out there. Staring at Orion as he slammed his hand on the glass in frustration, he stood up onto his feet. Orion turned around and pointed to Adam, beckoning him forward.

"Banks, we're down to our last hope. Can you hold them off?"

"I can do more than that, coach."

Orion smiled and patted him on the shoulder.

"Go get 'em."

Adam wasted no time in shoving off on the ice and skating towards the puck. He wasn't able to grab it, but he was right in the zone. The Cougars were in the Duck's zone and had made a shot which was luckily saved by Julie

"Another save by Julie "The Cat"! With under two minutes left, the Ducks are still hanging on. Can they make a shot anytime soon? It looks like they've got Adam Banks back on the ice. Will he redeem himself from the last game?"

With the puck back in the center of the rink, Adam made a pounce for it. With Luis and Dwayne behind him, they made their way to the Cougars side. The captain, now angrier than ever, had glued himself to Adam's side and was attempting to do the same thing he did to Charlie.

"Ready to join your captain?" He threatened, pushing him further towards the boards.

Instead of answering, Adam ducked under his shoulder and shot the puck right under the goalies glove. The crowd roared and Adam was once again bombarded by his teammates.

"Adam Banks has scored the fourth goal for the Ducks! It looks like he's back from his slump for sure!"

With the remaining time left, the Ducks held them off, taking a victory of 4-3. Adam stopped skating for only a moment before his team ambushed him on the ice. Portman and Fulton even lifted him in the air for a brief moment before Orion told them to quit it. Getting caught up in the celebration, Adam remembered Charlie on the bench and quickly skated over to meet him. Charlie awkwardly stood up smiled.

"Adam that was awesome!" Charlie congratulated.

"Thanks, man. How are you feeling?"

"You just won the game and you're worried about me?" He questioned.

"Well of course I am." Adam smiled. Charlie grinned back.

…

Back in the locker room, the Ducks were raving. With this victory they advance to state and Adam couldn't be happier. It was as if everything from the previous game dissolved. All they could focus on was the victory. Charlie still sat while everyone else was up and about but he still showed excitement.

"Woo! We made it guys!" Portman yelled.

"We actually made it!" Joined Russ.

"We're going to state!"

The team started cheering once more before Orion stepped in the locker room, quieting them down. He put his knee on the bench and sighed before looking up at his team with a smile.

"You all did amazing out there. I couldn't be more proud. Now don't think this means you don't have to still work hard, because you will. But I know that we have a shot at winning it all. Banks?"

Heads turned to Adam as he looked up at Orion.

"Great job out there."

"Alright Banks!" Portman said, clapping him on the back.

"I've decided to give you guys the weekend off to rest. You've all earned it. We'll start practice up again on Monday."

The Ducks cheered once again before slowly starting to disperse. Orion however stayed behind.

"Conway, your mom is outside, waiting to take you to a doctor.

Charlie groaned.

"Come on, I'm fine Coach."

"I'm not arguing this, Conway. Let me put it this way: until you get looked at by a doctor, I'm benching you.

Charlie rolled his eyes but nodded. Adam nudged him slightly.

"Come on, Charlie. It's just to make sure you're okay. I'll go with you."

"Thank you Banks. At least someone is looking after him. Great job again today. You both take care and have a good weekend." Orion said before exiting the locker room.

Adam turned to Charlie who once again rolled his eyes.

"You're going to make me go, aren't you?" Charlie asked.

"Yup. Come on, your mom's still waiting."

…..

After a reluctant trip to the doctor's office, Charlie was okay. Just had to take it easy for a few days. Casey wanted to take him home, but after much pleading from both Adam and Charlie, they convinced her to let him go back to Eden Hall. She first treated them each to dinner at the diner before driving them back to the dorms. After hauling Charlie upstairs, Adam finally had a chance to sit down.

"You okay, man?" Adam asked Charlie.

"Yes! I'm fine dude, just a headache. Man, everyone keeps asking me that."

"Now you know how I feel." Adam pointed out. Charlie sat with his mouth slightly open.

"Shit, I guess so. How do you deal with that?"

Adam shrugged.

"Just learn to try and ignore it, I guess."

Charlie nodded and they both sat in silence for a while. Adam grabbed his sketchbook and started to finish one of his previous drawings as Charlie shifted uncomfortably on his bed. Adam looked up concerned.

"I don't mean to keep asking, but are you okay? Can I get you anything?"

"Actually, my head is killing me. Do you have any aspirin and ice?"

Adam put his book down and began to rummage through his drawers.

"I've got aspirin here and I can run downstairs and get you some ice." Adam said, tossing Charlie the bottle.

"Thanks man, I owe you one."

"Yes, you do. I'll be back." Adam said before scurrying downstairs.

Adam wandered through the empty halls and went to the deserted dining room toward the ice machine. As he started to fill up a bucket he heard footsteps behind him followed by a familiar voice that made his blood run cold.

"Well, well, looks like we have a little lost duck."

Adam sighed, clenched his fists and turned to face a smirking Riley.

"What do you want, Riley?" Adam spat.

"Hey, no need to get hostile. Just wanted to congratulate you on today's game."

Adam wasn't buying it, but he also didn't want to be stuck talking to him.

"Well, thanks. But I got to go." Adam said, attempting to walk away, only to be stopped again.

"Oh, I don't think so."

"Just move." Adam urged, pushing by him. Riley turned and grabbed his arm. Adam hissed. He hadn't told anyone, but he had a slight relapse a few days ago. He didn't think anyone had to know, it wasn't a serious one. He was actually able to stop himself half way through it. But it didn't seem to matter now as Riley looked down on him with an evil grin.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting you?" Riley said, tightening his grip. Adam nodded, hoping he'd let go.

"That's a shame. Don't want those cuts to get infected now, do we?"

Adam's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He was hoping he had misheard Riley, or that he was referring to something else. But he knew better than that.

"What- I don't-" Adam stuttered.

"Oh please, Banks. Give it up. I know. And I'm not letting you get away with it either. Just watch your back, Banksy. You don't know what I'm capable of. And I wouldn't bother telling your little Duck friends about this, unless you want them against you too." Riley hissed as he let go of Adam's arm and turned to leave.

Adam stood there, unable to move or think. He could feel himself shaking and he tried to take a deep breath in but it just seemed to add to the anxiety. He rubbed his eyes and looked around to make sure he was alone. He bit his tongue in an attempt to calm down and keep from crying but it just made things worse. He just wanted to be alone. As quickly as he could, he ran out of the dining room and down the empty halls, Charlie's ice forgotten.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the crazy long wait but I'm hoping to be back soon! This is definitely not my best chapter but I'm glad to be getting something out there. Hopefully you will enjoy it. Thanks again for reading and I don't own the mighty ducks.**

Adam couldn't sleep that night. He could only lie awake in the darkness, listening to Charlie's soft snores, unable to get what happened with Riley out of his head. No matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn't figure out how he could have possibly found out. Sure all the Ducks knew by now, but none of them would have said anything. Or at least that was what he thought.

He turned over and looked at his alarm clock. A little past eleven. He contemplated waking up Charlie and telling him everything, but Riley's threat rang in his ears. He didn't know exactly what he meant by what he said, but he sure as hell didn't want to find out.

Not being able to take the burden anymore, Adam threw the covers off himself and pulled on his sneakers and one of Charlie's flannels. Creeping his way out of the dorm once again, he found himself craving a relapse more than anything. He silently cursed himself for getting rid of all his sharps after his last relapse.

He tip-toed down the stairs and out of the dorms into the dark, icy night. He figured he'd walk off campus for a little while and hopefully that will clear his head. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and his teeth chattered but he couldn't go back inside.

His head spun with possible scenarios of how Riley could have found out. He knew it couldn't have been Charlie. Fulton or Julie wouldn't have said anything either. He tried to narrow down the Ducks but none of them turned up as the types who would do this. Sure some of them had big mouths, but they all hated Riley. Surely they wouldn't have done it on purpose.

Adam sat down on a bench and put his face in his hands. The worst part was not knowing what Riley was gonna do. Maybe it was just a threat to try and scare him. But Riley was out for something. He always had a thing for picking on Adam after he left varsity. He just wished he hadn't found out about this.

Adam sniffed and wiped the tears that threatened to fall and got up and ran. There was a gas station only two blocks from the park where he was. He ran until his chest burned and his throat was on fire but he didn't stop. Upon arriving, he felt his icy hot face and he suddenly wondered if he'd passout. Gulping some breaths, he pushed his way inside.

The sudden warmth engulfed him and let out a sigh of relief. The clerk behind the counter gave him a slight nod before returning to whatever he was reading. Adam returned the gesture and wandered the aisles until he came across the personal care section. He stopped

in front of the men's razor blades and froze before he grabbed them.

There was a payphone outside. He could call Bombay again. Or just ditch his plan and wake up Charlie. He shook his head in frustration and instead grabbed the box. What could they do anyway?

He walked up to the clerk and threw the box down on the counter. The clerk gave him a puzzled look.

"Little young to be shaving, aren't you kid?"

"I guess so." Adam replied, handing him a ten dollar bill. Without waiting for his change, he was out the door.

Adam sprinted back to Eden Hall, desperate to open the fresh box. As quietly as he could he crept up the stairs to the third floor and slowly opened his and Charlie's room. Just as he shut the door, the light switched on and he turned around in shock to find Charlie at his desk with a suspicious look.

"Jesus Charlie you scared the crap outta me." Adam said, removing his shoes.

"Well you did the same by disappearing at midnight! Where were you?" Charlie interrogated and Adam rolled his eyes.

"Nowhere. I just took a walk. I couldn't sleep." Adam lied, laying down on his bed, the razors sitting in his back pocket.

"Well you were acting weird before we went to bed. What happened?"

"Nothing happened, I'm just worn out after today. I figured you would be too. The doctor said you should be resting anyway. Trust me Charlie, I'm fine."

Charlie, clearly not convinced, turned off the light and went back to his bed. Adam felt the razors once again, making sure they were there. He was hoping he could wait out Charlie and cut after he fell asleep.

"I know you were doing something, Adam. You don't have to tell me but I just don't want you to do what I'm thinking." Charlie spoke up and Adam groaned.

"Charlie please. It's nothing." Adam said, turning over, still picturing Riley's malicious face.

It took two hours, but Charlie finally dozed off. Adam checked his clock that now read 2:17 am. He gently pulled the covers off and quietly walked out of the dorm to the bathroom. Locking the door behind him, he set the razors on the sink and rolled his sleeves up. Unboxing a clean shining blade, he took a deep breath and put the blade to his arm. Slicing himself up, he let out the angry tears.

Why? Why Riley? He'd rather have anyone else know but Riley. He was gonna make his life hell for this. He just knew it. And there was nobody he could talk to about it. He was blinded by his rage that he just kept cutting until he couldn't see his skin.

Adam suddenly stopped himself, a little scared. He hadn't done it that bad in awhile. He put the blade down and stared at himself in the mirror. He looked at his tears and his bloody arm and he started to cry even harder, wishing he could be different. Why did he have these problems? And why couldn't he just be happy and carefree like Charlie was? Or the rest of the Ducks for that matter? It just wasn't fair.

He ran the faucet and washed his arm, cringing at the sting. Soon enough it was clean and he stuck a bunch of paper towels to it to keep it from bleeding. Taking one last look at himself in the mirror, he walked back to his dorm, doomed to have a disturbed sleep.

…

Adam woke up late the next morning. So late that both him and Charlie missed breakfast. But Charlie's head was still bothering him and he just wanted to sleep. Adam felt the stinging pain on his arm and hissed as he grabbed it. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to cut. Obviously at the time he didn't care, but he forgot about how much it stung the next day. He crawled out of bed and threw on some clothes just as Charlie started to rise.

"Morning." Adam said.

"Mmh." Charlie mumbled in response as he shoved off his covers.

Adam turned back to his dresser and took his meds before sitting back down on his bed. Charlie yawned and rubbed his eyes as he turned to him.

"What time is it?"

Adam glanced at his clock.

"A little after ten. How's your head?"

"Still hurts but it's not horrible. Nothing a few painkillers can't fix." Charlie shrugged.

Adam smiled and they looked at each other in silence before Charlie cleared his throat.

"So you're just not gonna tell me where you were last night? Or why you're acting so weird?" Charlie questioned. Adam groaned and stood up.

"Charlie I just needed some fresh air okay? Please just drop it already." Adam pleaded.

Charlie sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Fine. But you and I both know there's something wrong."

Adam looked down. He hated lying to Charlie, he really did. But he didn't want anymore trouble with Riley.

"Can I ask you something?" Adam asked.

"Of course."

"Do the Ducks talk about me? Like, about what I do?"

Charlie shook his head.

"No, they wouldn't do that. And if they do, it's all out of concern." Charlie assured him.

"Right, listen I gotta go." Adam said grabbing his jacket.

"Where?"

"I just have something I gotta do, but I'll catch up with you later."

"Okay, if you're sure."

Adam nodded and slipped out the door. Sighing one last time before making his way to the bathroom again.

….

"Adam, I haven't seen you be this quiet since we first started working together." John said.

Adam looked up but didn't say anything. Just pulled down his sleeves farther. It was true though. Adam had not said a word this session. John sighed and put down his clipboard.

"Adam, this week I really wanted to talk about your cutting."

Adam tensed up and looked directly at John.

"Please, can we not?"

"Well, we've been avoiding this topic quite a bit. And I think it's time we broke the ice on it."

Adam sat at the far end of the couch and tried to make himself as small and as hidden as possible. Since Riley confronted him, he'd been cutting everyday. But he wasn't about to admit that. He didn't want to lose all the progress he'd made. It didn't seem to matter though.

"I dont wanna talk."

John nodded.

"Then tell me how you feel."

Adam thought for a moment before speaking up.

"I feel worthless. I feel like a freak. Like I don't matter." Adam said.

"I'm a little confused as to why. You were doing much better a few weeks ago."

Adam shrugged.

"I don't know what happened, but I feel even more depressed than I did before." Adam said.

"You know Adam, I'm going to have you step out for a minute. I need to talk to your dad."

Adam shot up at this.

"No! Please don't talk to him! What are you going to say?" Adam rambled.

"Calm down, I'm not going to share anything we've talked about. I just that I need to speak to him. We'll only be five minutes."

Adam sighed but nodded and followed John to the waiting room. Philip Banks put down his magazine and stood up.

"Everything okay?" He asked.

"Actually, Mr. Banks, I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes if that's okay."

"Certainly. Adam wait here."

Adam nodded and took a seat. John literally promised him that he wouldn't talk to his dad. About anything. But now he felt like he couldn't even trust him. Adam anxiously watched the clock, hoping they would come out soon. After what felt like forever, his dad and John emerged.

"Let's go Adam. Thank you Dr. Beamer."

"No problem. See you next week Adam."

Adam smiled before following his dad outside to their car. They both got in before his dad said anything.

"Dr. Beamer wants to increase your medication dosage." Philp said, not looking directly at his son.

Adam kept his head down.

"Why?" He asked.

"He just said that it would be beneficial for you. I personally don't see the point of it because you seem fine to me. But he called in your prescription and you'll start taking it tomorrow, are we clear?"

Adam nodded and turned his head to look out the window to escape the disappointed gaze of his father.

….

"Banks hustle! Play like you did last friday!" Orion ordered as Adam fumbled the puck.

Practices were only getting harder but with state coming they had to be prepared for anything. It had only been a week since the last game but the practices were crazy intense and they were definitely starting to get to some of the Ducks. Mainly Adam. But he wasn't about to admit that.

By the time Orion let them go, everyone was sore and sweaty and ready to crash. As the Ducks scurried off the ice, Adam trudged behind them and took his time.

"Banks, a word."

Adam turned around and sighed before skating off to meet Orion.

"Yes, coach?"

"Adam, I can't figure you out. You've been either very focused or completely scatterbrained. Is there anything distracting you that I should be aware of?" Orion questioned with crossed arms.

"No coach, I guess I'm just nervous. But I'll be fine by our next game."

Orion nodded.

"I sure hope so. You're too good of a player to keep on the bench. Go shower, see you tomorrow."

Adam nodded and skated off to the locker room. As he crept open the door, a couple heads snapped in his direction and he looked at them puzzled. He awkwardly waved at Averman, Russ, and Ken.

"Uh, hey guys. What's up?" Adam asked.

"Hey man! Nothing, nothing at all!" Averman rambled.

"Yeah, nothing!" Ken chimed in.

Adam nodded and almost sat down before making his way to the door again.

"Forgot my stick." He shrugged before heading out. He took a few steps forward but then turned around and held the door open a crack, still suspicious. The three of them sighed in relief before Averman spoke up again.

"Wow, that was close."

"Tell me about it, he almost heard us." Russ agreed.

"But you know guys maybe we shouldn't be talking about it. It's Adam's problem, not ours. And I don't think he'd like it if he found out we were talking about it behind his back." Ken said guilty.

Averman and Russ nodded in agreement.

"Yeah man, your right. I guess I just can't wrap my head around it. I don't understand why anyone would do that. Doesn't it hurt?" Russ asked.

"Well probably, if you're cutting yourself." Averman said.

"Guys lets seriously drop it. We promised we wouldn't think of him differently when he told us. Even if it's a little weird that he does it." Ken said.

Adam had heard enough and slowly closed the door. With his eyes misty, he skated off to the bench and took a seat. So they did think he was weird. And he was pretty sure he knew where Riley heard it all. He stared at the empty rink and grabbed his wrist once more. He pulled down his sleeve and looked at his cuts that still hadn't healed.

They were right. It was weird. Hell, it was more than that. It was repulsive. But he still couldn't stop. He waited in the rink until he was sure everyone had gone before he showered. He really couldn't risk anyone seeing.

Once he got back to the dorm, Charlie was waiting on him to come to dinner. But Adam just ignored him and took a seat on his bed.

"You okay, man? I couldn't find you after practice."

"Charlie, do you think I'm weird? For doing what I do?"

Charlie looked at him odd.

"No way! Not at all! And neither does anyone else."

Adam huffed.

"Yeah, sure."

"What's wrong, Adam?"

Adam forced a smile and tugged down his sleeve again.

"Nothing, I'm fine."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**

 **Hi! Hope that wasn't too long of a wait. I think im starting to get my writing streak back. I still have a lot of plans for this story so I hope you'll stick around. I do just want to warn you again that I will probably be taking dark and angsty paths with this story so if that stuff bothers you, read at your own risk. Thank you to all who have left me reviews, I really enjoy getting them. Don't be shy to leave one, I love hearing your feedback and I'm curious on what you think about the story and predictions you might have. Anyways, enough ranting, hope you enjoy this next chapter, And I don't own the mighty ducks.**

 _"I cant believe the nerve of that man! Making you play for the Ducks. Not if I can help it!" Philip Banks huffed as he paced back and forth._

 _Adam sat at the kitchen table, an untouched peanut butter sandwich in front of him. It was true. He was forced to play for the Ducks if he wanted to stay in the peewee hockey league. Stupid district lines. On top of that, his old friends had completely shunned him. Larson and McGill won't even look at him. But he still wanted to play hockey. It was all he ever wanted. Sure he wasn't thrilled to be on the Ducks but maybe it wouldn't be so bad._

 _He was supposed to have his first game with them tomorrow, but his dad was very keen on making sure that didn't happen,_

 _"Bombay has no right to take you off the Hawks! That's the only team you know and that's the only team you should know!" Philip ranted as Adam stared at his food._

 _Adam looked up and nodded before taking a deep breath and swallowing._

 _"Dad, I'm supposed to play with them tomorrow."_

 _Philip ran a hand down his face and turned to him._

 _"And?"_

 _"And I wanna play hockey. Can I least see if I hate it?" Adam pleaded, hoping he hadn't set him off._

 _Philip sighed and sat down._

 _"Fine. You can play tomorrow. But I'll be damned if you spend the rest of the season on that team."_

 _Adam nodded and ran upstairs. He sat on his bed and sighed before walking to his closet and picked out his old Hawks jersey. 9 Banks. It oddly seemed so long since he played for them. It felt like forever since he touched the ice. He wasn't sure if he was ready for it tomorrow._

…

 _Adam anxiously gripped his stick as he pushed his way into the Ducks locker room. All the previous commotion came to a sudden stop the second he entered. He slowly walked in and kept his eyes to the floor as he heard the door open behind him._

 _"Hey, wasn't sure if you'd show up." Bombay said._

 _Adam shrugged._

 _"Yeah whatever, I just wanna play hockey."_

 _"Good. Ducks, you all know Adam Banks."_

 _All the Ducks looked around the room awkwardly, desperate not to make eye contact. Adam tried to look casual. He caught the attention of one boy with brown hair who gave a slight smile and stepped forward._

 _"On behalf of the Ducks, I'd like to say welc-"_

 _He was suddenly stopped by another boy who gave him an unfriendly sneer._

 _"Cake eater."_

 _"Oh! The jess-man! Dissing the new guy! The jess-ster!" Another boy with glasses started mocking before the mean one shut him down._

 _"Shut up, Averman!"_

 _"It was just a joke." He mumbled as the mean one stepped forward, staring at Adam in the face with a dirty look._

 _"Putting on a Ducks Jersey doesn't mean you're a real Duck." He spat before walking out of the locker room. All the other Ducks shortly followed suit. Along with the one boy who tried to welcome him. Adam did appreciate that he was the last to leave though. Before long, it was just Adam and Bombay in the locker room._

 _"They're a good group once you get to know them." Bombay said._

 _"Yeah, I bet. Adam mumbled._

 _"Well, suit up, I'll see you on the ice." Bombay said before exiting the locker room._

 _Then it was just Adam. He set his bag down and picked up his new jersey. 99 Banks. Every fiber of his being told him not to put it on. He would be officially off the Hawks and onto a team that hated his guts. Who knows if they would ever accept him? Before he could stop himself, he shed his jacket and popped the jersey over his head._

 _Without his equipment underneath it was super baggy. The bright green was a major shift from his usual black, but it was a shift he'd have to get used to. His stomach starting to turn and he wished he could just run back to the Hawks. He just didn't want to be alone._

…

After an unpleasant dinner, (for Adam at least) Adam and Charlie were back in their dorm. Adam made Charlie lie down again with an ice pack to his head (even though he claimed his head felt fine) as he tried to concentrate on his book report but he just couldn't get what Averman and Russ said out of his head. He supposed that he shouldn't be too surprised, but it still really hurt to hear them say that.

He was slowly starting to regret saying anything to the Ducks. Maybe if he had kept everything to himself, Riley would have never found out. He should have known better. How could he have been so stupid?! He had kept it hidden for so long until he finally spilled it to Charlie. But now he was starting to question if that was a good idea.

He did trust Charlie but it was also Charlie who originally wanted him to be more open about it. He should've just kept it to himself. He hated himself for letting his guard down. And it made it worse knowing he couldn't take it back.

"Adam!"

Adam shook his head and suddenly snapped out of his thoughts.

"Huh? Sorry you say something?"

"Yeah, for like five minutes! Dude what's wrong with you?"

Adam sighed.

"I'm sorry, I'm just overthinking."

Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"About?"

Definitely not worth telling the truth in this case.

"Nothing in particular. School, hockey, my… situation. I guess it's all just a lot right now."

"But your not cutting right?"

Adam tensed up and suddenly his arm stung.

"No I'm not. I told you I stopped."

Charlie nodded.

"I'm glad. I hate the very thought of you doing that to yourself."

Adam felt guilty at this. He usually didn't put in too much thought about it but he knew that his cutting affected others, especially Charlie. He was usually just so wrapped up in his thoughts and emotions that he didn't stop to think about how it hurts others.

Charlie laid back down and Adam tried to go back to his homework but he turned back to Charlie.

"Can I ask you something?"

Charlie slowly sat up, ice pack to his forehead.

"For sure, what's up?"

"When I first told you about my cutting, how come you weren't creeped out by it?"

Charlie put his ice down and scooted closer to Adam.

"Because you're my best friend and I wanted to help you. Adam I wasn't creeped out, I was scared. I don't know much about what you go through but I didn't want it to turn into anything worse than it was. And the fact that you've been dealing with it for so long just makes me want to help you even more. I just don't want you to suffer."

Adam couldn't help but smile at this. He always knew that Charlie cared, but he didnt know it was to that extent.

"Thanks. I was just curious."

"That's the only reason you asked me?"

"Yeah." Adam lied.

Charlie narrowed his eyes.

"Are you sure? There's really nothing else going on?"

Adam twitched and tightened the grip on his sleeves.

"Charlie, I'm okay. Now you should really lie down, make sure your head is okay." Adam said, desperate to change the subject.

"I told you, my head is fine. It wasn't even a concussion, and I'm sick of just lying around every night." Charlie huffed, setting his ice pack aside.

"Well there's nothing else to do besides homework. Have you even started you book report?" Adam questioned and Charlie smirked.

"Define 'started'. Cause no, not really." Charlie laughed and Adam groaned.

"Come on man! You know Orion expects a B or higher. You at least read the book right?"

"What I could stomach." Charlie said and Adam shook his head.

"What's so bad about To Kill a Mockingbird?"

"It's so boring! And they talk so southern.

"That's because they're in the South, dumbass." Adam laughed as he fished out his copy from his backpack, tossing it to Charlie.

"Read a couple more chapters tonight and I'll help you get started on your report. You do realize it's due next week, right?"

Charlie picked up the book and started paging through it before glancing up at Adam.

"I prefer to just ignore it till it goes away."

"How'd you even get into this school with your grades?"

"Beats me man, but thank god for hockey."

Adam chuckled and turned back to his own report.

….

The next day, Adam trudged back into Eden Hall with his new prescription under his jacket. His therapist was dead serious about upping the dose and Adam couldn't have felt more embarrassed when picking it up. Mainly because his dad had to go with him. He always hated that part. His dad seemed to pretend to be supportive but in reality, Adam felt that he was silently judging him.

He walked through the deserted halls back to his dorm. Class was still in session and the bell would ring at any minute. Much to Adams dismay, it went off before he could get back. Panicked, he ducked into the nearest bathroom and waited for the halls to clear out. But once he heard the door open followed by a chuckle, he tightened his grip on his meds.

"Oh this is just too good. Whatcha doing Banksy? Don't have a razor on you now, do you?" Riley said, followed by a laugh.

Adam took a breath and turned around. It wasn't just Riley this time. Both Cole and Scooter were there along with two other Varsity players that Adam forgot the names to. Adam just looked at them and then turned his eyes to the ground.

"What do you want?" Adam tried to sound confident but even he could tell he sounded just barely above a whisper.

"Hey, I don't want anything. We can all be friendly, can't we boys?" Riley gestured to his teammates who all nodded. Adam could tell it was all an act but nevertheless he attempted to push through them. He looked up briefly and made direct eye contact with Riley who smirked and swiped his hand under Adam's jacket.

"Hey give me that!" Adam yelled but was suddenly held back by Cole as Riley opened the small bag, taking out the orange pill bottle.

"Well, what have we got here? Adam Banks. Fluoxetine. Take 3 tablets every morning for depression. Well boys, Banks is on crazy pills!"

Cole laughed behind him as Adam tried to break free.

"That's not what they are!"

"Nope, pretty sure only psychos take stuff like this!" Riley laughed, still holding the bottle.

"Riley just give it back!"

Riley smiled once again.

"Of course, Banksy. How rude of me. Cole, let him go."

Cole did as he was told and Adam straightened his jacket and held his hand out waiting for Riley to give him back his meds. Just as Riley was about to drop it into his hand, he popped off the cap and dump its contents onto the floor. Adam could only stare, petrified as Varsity howled with laughter.

Riley came a few steps forward and patted Adam on the shoulder.

"Don't feel too bad Banksy, I'm sure there are other crazies like you. Just not at Eden Hall. Let that teach you to show your face around here. Lets go boys."

And with that Riley turned his heels and lead his goons out of the bathroom. Adam dropped to his knees, desperately trying to pick up the small pills before anyone else came in. Adam looked up as Varsity left and made brief eye contact with Scooter, who for some reason lingered just for a second. But before he said anything, he continued to follow Riley.

Adam gathered the pills and fast as he could and tried to jam them back in the bottle without any spilling. Once he figured he got most of them, he dashed out of the bathroom and ran to his dorm as fast as he could. Luckily Charlie wouldn't be there since it was lunch period right now.

He burst into the room and started panting before he shut the door. He threw his backpack aside and sat down on his bed and buried his face in his hands, but he wouldn't let himself cry.

 _No, Adam. Don't cry. Only psychos cry._

Instead he took some breaths, shaking the entire time. He jumped up from his bed and went to his dresser where he kept his razors. He opened the top drawer and was about to reach for the disastrous object but then stopped himself.

 _"Even if it is a little weird that he does it."_

 _"Banks is on crazy pills!"_

 _"I'm sure there are other crazies like you."_

Adam couldn't get their words out of his head. He slumped down to the floor, razor in hand. He looked up to the ceiling as a few tears shed but he swallowed back most of what was inside of him. He watched the door in anticipation, hoping against hope that Charlie wasn't suspicious of his absence.

They were right. They all were. He was crazy. Crazy for cutting himself, crazy for taking pills, crazy for having mental health at all. He hated it. He hated it with all his heart and he wanted to cut the pain out.

He rolled up his sleeve and tried to put the razor to his wrist but the words rang through his head and he just couldn't do it. He just wanted to be normal. He cringed and put his sleeve back down. He threw the razor across the room as he let out a sob before he let the dam burst.


End file.
